Friend of Julie: Doctor, Doctor, Give me a Number

This morning I was thinking about how my doctor had given up on my losing weight about a year and a half ago. In fact, she told me I would soon become a diabetic. I told her that would not happen to me. I didn’t have a plan, but I was not accepting that as my fate. Diabetes runs in my family and since I’m obese, I test ever year. The test results at that time showed me at 98; 100 is considered pre-diabetic.

When I walked into her office six months ago, she was very pleased with my weight loss. She suggested I see her for a full physical this Jan. and indicated I no longer need to be tested for diabetes.

My plan for the doctor appointment next Tuesday was to ask her my weight. Julie said we can weigh ourselves once a year, but I’m not sure if this is something we do after we reach our goal weight or if it applies to all of us. I’ve debated for a few weeks now if I should I ask my exact weight or not.

I went to the doctor yesterday, a few days earlier than my scheduled appointment, because I’ve been home all week with a wicked cold. She said I look great and that I’m doing everything I should be doing for my cold: lots of fluids and taking contact flu/cold tablets. She also said I was taking the later too often and suggested cough drops or cough syrup. I was hesitant because of the sugar factor. I didn’t like the idea of chewing on candies, so I went for the prescription cough syrup with sugar; sugar is better than sugar substitute.

I am dying to know my number on the scale, but I'm still struggling with feeling like I’ve gained weight. The last thing I need right now is to know a number on the scale is less than I want it to be. Instead, I asked if I’ve dropped 50 pounds yet – her answer was yes.

I’m fighting with myself not to get on the scale now that I’m home. To stay off the scale, I remind myself that not knowing the numbers is a part of my journey. I remember all those times when I knew the numbers and how devastated I was when they were higher instead of lower. What I used to do did not work for me, so why would I want to do something I know does not work?

I'm looking at this journey in a new way. It isn't about having patience, how much I weigh, or how much I’ve lost. It's about staying connected to the part of me that knows this is a life-long journey. I am living my life different than I used to. This story is not one that has a beginning, middle, and an end – it is a story about a lifetime of choices. It’s a story about living today. Living the best life I can today. Living in the present means looking back at lessons learned and focusing on the present. After all—all we really have is today.