Friend of Julie: Into the Light

Oh my! Did I really post a photo with me in a bathing suit? Yes I did. Yikes! I can't believe I did that. Today I'm going to write about negative self-talk, so I can get it out there in the open, out of the dark corners of my life and into the light. I am changing my life and I no longer need to stand in the shadows.

Del Mar, CA. Photo by Theresa

I'm currently at the same size that most of you began your weight loss journey, so it is a mixed bag when I see your photos. I'm inspired to see that you went from the size I am now to my goal size (8). At the same time, I look at my photos and think about how big I am now and I'm horrified at how large I was six sizes ago. I feel great about my progress and then when I see my photo I have mixed feelings again. I see how much I've lost and I feel good, but I also see how much more weight I have to lose and then I don't feel so good.

But all is not lost! I have positive thoughts to push me forward and away from these negative ones, some of which come from within and others from the support of this blog and the Facebook support group. Thank you all for sharing the way you do. Your stories inspire me and encourage me to stay positive about my journey, which is fantastic.

Other positive thoughts come from friends I've known for years. While visiting my friends in southern California, where I lived for eight years near people I've known for 35 years and others I've known all my life, they said some wonderful and positive things to me. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Wow - you look so different! 
• Do you realize how much you've changed?
• This is the first time I've seen you in a dress in twenty years! 
• It's wonderful seeing you wear fun clothes again!

It was fabulous to visit my friends and for them to see me being active once again. During my visit, I found that I was filled with negative thoughts again and again. I can't walk as fast. I can't move as fast. I don't have as much strength in my arms. One night I was to sleep on a futon on the floor and I was caught up in thoughts about how difficult it was going to be getting on the floor then getting up again in the morning. But then I would remember:

• I am changing my life. 
• I am moving. 
• I am moving faster. 
• I am building strength in my arms, legs, and my core. 
• I did get in and out of the pool. 
• I did go kayaking and swimming.
• I am an active person once again. 
• I did my stretching exercises last night.
• I am living life in the light.

It's not about being the fastest or the strongest. It's about being strong and living my best life. It's about living life in the light instead of in the shadows.

Another positive experience happened the day after I returned from my vacation, at the Holyoke mall. I discovered that Aime was right when a few weeks ago she told me that would be my last time shopping in the woman's section of Macy's. After trying on a few items in the woman's department, I wandered over to the other side of the clothing area and when I went into the dressing room to try on 18's and 16's (nobody stopped me at the entrance) I was ecstatic that I found items that fit. I didn't buy them because I just wanted to know if they would fit, I wasn't ready to spend any money. I may go back in a few weeks and try on a dress that I liked, but I wanted it to be loser around the hips.

Woohoo! Now I know what people mean by shopping therapy!

Oh, and it's pretty safe to say, as several of you have reported recently, I too lost weight while on vacation! I'm moving into the light and the lighter side of life!

Del Mar, CA. Photo by Theresa