Still Thinking Like a Fat Person

Posted by Unknown on February 04, 2013 2 comments
Even though I know I am down 5 sizes, I have discovered, not only do my eyes not see it in a mirror, I still am thinking like a FAT person.

Let me explain:

When I was at my heaviest:

we would go to a restaraunt, I would panic if the waitress was sitting us in a booth. I won't fit!

we went to people's houses for suppers, I would quickly scan the room and see what chair I could sit in without breaking it.

I am still afraid to go up our attic stairs as the stated heaviest safe weight on them is 250 pounds.

I am nervous about going on an airplane as I have needed seat belt extenders, and then if I am stuck in a middle seat I will overhang on the 2 outer seats!

Now I really know deep inside, all those things won't happen anymore, but it is very hard to convince my mind of it. I still try to hide in a store if I see someone I know, I don't want them to see all the weight I have gained.

It is crazy. I wonder when my mind will catch up with reality. I know I have lost weight, I see my size tags, and people tell me all the time. But my mind won't accept it.

To many years of failure, of gaining it all back, my mind won't let me see what is really happening. It is a constant battle to get rid of those 'first reactions' of the past. But I am working on it, and I am bound and determined, someday, I will see it and my mind will let me accept it!

Crazy stuff isn't it!! I had no idea how powerful our minds are until I went to see Julie!! Absolutely amazing to me!!

I have learned so much from Julie, food wise, mind wise, just absolutely mind boggling!!! But again, I am SOOO THANKFUL for her!!!

Where would I be today if I hadn't gone to see her? I can tell you, I would be a bed ridden person closing in at over 300+ pounds, on my way to dying young, to unhappy with myself to go anywhere or do anything.

So for me to fight with my mind because I can't see or accept the positive changes, well, I will take that anyday compared to where I could have ended up!!!

2 comments:

  1. Karen2/05/2013

    That was intense. You are a whole new person!!! xoxoxoxox

    ReplyDelete
  2. Theresa2/05/2013

    Linda, I so relate to all of what you're saying. It's time to get some photos of you in your new clothes, so you can really see what you look like.

    I was amazed when I saw myself in the photos from the gathering over the weekend. I thought I had a good reality of my size, but when I saw my photos, I realized I up until that moment I was seeing myself larger than I really am.

    Ditto in seeing my "before" photos that I brought with me - I didn't realize HOW BIG I was then either.

    Part of this journey is learning to be in the present moment and seeing the truth of today.

    It took me a while to get on a plane and not panic about needing an extension, but I no longer panic when I board a plane. Funny, I never realized I was in panic mode!

    This weekend I went to the movies in South Hadley for the first time in about a decade. The seats are small and I was uncomfortable, so I didn't go there. There still isn't a lot of leg room there, but I no longer have to avoid the place because my butt didn't fit in the seats.

    I'm so happy for you to have these great revelations! I've been compiling a list like yours, of what is different in my life today than ten years ago. Still writing it, but meanwhile, I'd love to hear from others what's different in your lives!

    ReplyDelete

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