Today marks my OFFICIAL 100 days on-program.

No sweets.

No bread.

No dunkin donuts. <---small miracle

No pasta. <---large miracle

No Never-Ending Pasta Bowls this year. <---divine intervention

Just me, my 1/2 lb. burgers, steaks, salmon, tilapia, lamb leg and every other tasty treat that has helped make slapping the cravings away easier.

Truth be told, I eat a LOT.

I have a huge appetite.

But my body is doing precisely what Julie said it would.

Sometimes I eat a 1/2 lb. burger and finish off what my son doesn't.

I eat twice the serving of fish you would be served in a restaurant. Sometimes more.

I can eat a LOT of steak.

I finished a whole crockpot of beanless chili in two days once.

Two pounds of hamburger inhaled in four sittings.

My wife had a little.

I ran a train on that @!$&#@.

Today I noticed that I could feel my cheekbones and my jawbone while applying shaving cream.

Yesterday I noticed that my belly doesn't overhang my belt anymore.

I have a muffin top now.

Granted, it's one of those massive blueberry muffins you get at a Vegas buffet, but it's a muffin top nonetheless.

That whole business got me curious.

Since I'm completely writer's blocked today (hence this diversion - trying to get the words flowing again), I decided to try on some clothes. Again.

I have these two snazzy-looking dress shirts I bought for work while I was still a wage slave. They were the right size, but I needed a tall and these were regular.

The only reason I needed a tall was the extra length in the tails that would accommodate the belly.

The good news is that the regular fits fine now.

The bad news is that I can now wrap those shirts around me like a sarong.

Or maybe that's good news...

The bad news is they were $80 each and I never wore either of them in public.

But it gets better...

The suit that I wore to my grandmother's funeral (before I gained ALL the weight... I was about 320-330 at that point, I think - 2010 was a stressful year) now wraps around me like a bathrobe.

I could never get it altered to fit right. It's just done.

$400 and I wore it twice.

But it gets even better...

I have a blazer that I bought in 2003. At that point in time my weight was holding perpetually steady at 300-305 all the time. My "over 40" switch had not been flipped into the ON position yet.

This was when I was drinking 2 32-ounce Mountain Dews or Coke Classics every day and eating McDonald's for lunch and D'Angelo subs for dinner every day.

And visiting the vending machines on my :15s. I did love my pastry...

By 2004 I was totally addicted to Hostess Banana Dream cakes. I would buy them two at a time from the vending machine at work.

I'm probably the reason they kept stocking them. They were selling 10 a week to me alone.

Who am I kidding... I STILL love pastry. I just love it from afar these days.

SLAP!

Now where was I?

The blazer is now at least two sizes too big. It is rapidly earning bathrobe status, too.

So, in 100 days I've turned back the clock by more than 10 years.

And I eat to my heart's content.

And I balance my veggies well.

And I drink a lot of seltzer with lime.

Seltzer with lime is the new Mountain Dew.

Not sure what I weigh now, obviously, but I do know it's been at least a decade since I've looked like this or was even close to this size.




August 29, 2013
Before Julie:

Confidence / Linda = one of the biggest oxymoron word comparisons ever

Anyone who knows me, knows I would rather blend in with the woodwork or fall in a hole and disappear than to be noticed, ESPECIALLY if I am being noticed because I am FAT!

Could hardly meet and visit with people, whether I knew them or not, and totally forget any pictures being taken of me! My girls are upset about the pictures as there are hardly any of me with them growing up, ONE OF MY BIGGEST REGRETS OF MY FAT LIFE!!!!

My dad and I got into our genealogy years ago. With a lot of work we traced and found relatives in Torino Italy. My dad has been over there 4 times and one of my cousins came over here. My dad has hounded me for years to go with him to Italy. NO WAY, I couldn't go that far from my family, I didn’t want people over there to see this fat American, I could come up with a million excuses. My dad finally gave up.

Inside I wanted to cry. My dad is getting older, my mom can’t walk like she used to and he really wants to go there at least one more time. I really wanted to go, I want to meet my relatives, I want to see where I come from, experience the culture and so on.


After almost 2 years with Julie:

Confidence / Linda = gaining confidence daily


My confidence is building slowly. I try to mingle more and talk more to people. I have always loved giving hugs to people who I think may need one, and was always a bit hesitant. Now today, I give them out left and right!

I find myself opening up more to people, laughing much more, willing to go more places without the panic setting in. I fight the old panicked thoughts. My personality is changing with the weight I loose. AMAZING!

Now for the biggest confidence change in my life:

I AM GOING TO ITALY WITH MY FATHER!!!

YUP! You heard that right, I am going!!! I have my husband's encouragement (he doesn't want to go and my mom doesn't want to go) and I am actually going!! for 16 days!!!

My family is amazed at the change in my confidence! I still have days when that confidence goes back to before Julie days, but I am learning to fight those old thoughts. (tap tap)

I am not afraid of being the fat American there, as I think I will blend in more now. I am not as thin as my cousin who came over here a couple years ago, but at 55 and she is 22, well, lets just say, that thin isn't going to happen anymore in my lifetime!!!

I am a bit nervous about the food (tap tap) but have prepared my family over there about my eating habits. I told them breads, pasta, rice, sugar, four, and so on make me sick. I will be going to a grocery store daily to get meat to get me through. Julie is in my mind big time and I know I will do fine!!!!

Before Julie - Italy, NO WAY!!!

After Julie - I am not going to miss out on a chance of a lifetime!!

JULIE again THANK YOU!!!! Thank you for giving me what I needed to get to where I am on this life style!!!

I am not leaving for a few weeks, and can't wait to fill you in on how it went!!!

Did I mention how excited I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Italy here I come!!!!!
August 28, 2013
In a recent comment, Andrea asked me to talk about losing slowly. I have a lot to say about this topic, so I promised her I would write a post about this. Those of you who follow this blog know me enough by now to know that I always answer a question with a story or two. This question is no exception.
Then and Now
When I saw the photo of me on the left (in 2006) I was horrified. "I look like an Amazon next to my friend!" I proclaimed.

When I saw the photo of me on the right (taken a few weeks ago with the same friend) I was horrified. "I look like an Amazon next to my friend!" I proclaimed. Then I changed my tune.

Wait just a minute. I'm not an amazon - my friend is petite!

Both times I felt like an amazon, but this time around I was able to cut away those negative thoughts and see things as they really are. Yes, I'm bigger than my friend. No matter what size I am, this will always be true. It is also true that I am not an Amazon!

A few years after the photo on the left was taken, I asked a psychic about my weight. The psychic told me that yes, my weight was going to come off, but it would take three years. I was not happy (understatement) with this news. As it turns out - the psychic was right. Within the year I went to see Julie. Two and a half years later-my attitude has changed about how long this is going to take; I dropped from a size 30/32 to a size 16. This journey is going to take me three years. It is what it is.

When I started this program I was a size 30/32. Along the way there have been periods of time when I felt like I was not losing weight. I've heard this from others as well. I'm not going to say I don't get frustrated when this happens, because I do. Then I remind myself my journey is what it is: a journey. I also remember Julie telling us there will be plateaus and plateaus mean our body is healing on the inside.

This is a good thing. I want my body to heal inside and out.

Ah yes, grasshopper, I remind myself, a plateau is part of the journey. Then I get out of my own way and let my journey continue.

It is exactly when I am the most frustrated by a plateau, that if I hang in there just a little while longer, the plateau will end and I will drop another size. The more frustrated I am, the closer I am to a drop in size. I just need to keep working the program and my body will do the rest.

What's great about this program, is that I don't have to think about what I'm doing. I've been doing this program long enough to know what foods to eat and how the program works. I love that I don't have to think about starting or getting back on a diet tomorrow.

It is not about the numbers on the scale or the size you wear. We do care about these things, but we don't get on the scale (it does not effectively measure "success" and the numbers only drive us crazy) and we try not to focus on our size (too much). What's most important is the quality of our lives - inside and out.

There are times when I get frustrated with how slow the weight is coming off. This issue often surfaces for me when I see others losing faster than me or I see others reach their goal size and I'm still not there yet. I can't compare my journey to others and I can't define my success to theirs. When I forget this and I start to wonder why did that person lose so quickly and not me? I'm headed for trouble. There is no right or wrong answer to this question. We do the best we can and we keep going. There is no looking back. There is no comparing my story to yours.

There are however, moments and experiences on our journey that many of us have in common that we can appreciate and celebrate with each other. Here are a handful of milestones others on this journey have expressed:
  • I can fit into the airplane seat without my body taking up part of the seat next to me.
  • I don't have to ask the stewardess for a seat belt extension.
  • I can cross my legs for the first time in years.
  • I can see my toes.
  • I can zip up a coat that is three sizes smaller than the one I wore when I started this program.
  • My doctor is very happy about my health stats.
  • Before this program I was on 27 medicines - now I'm only on 6.
  • I no longer need to take meds for diabetes.
  • I walked around the mall with one of those little pink bags announcing to the world that I had bought something at Victoria's Secrets.
  • I ran the Warrior Dash yesterday - 45 years old and I'd never run anything in my entire life.
  • I went to my 40th high school reunion and I did not have to focus on how much weight I wanted to lose before the reunion.
  • I am not an amazon.
We celebrate our success our weight loss success in whatever form they come in. I love that this blog provides a place for us to share our milestones and victories.

These weight loss milestones and victories, which may not be visible to others, are what keep me on program. That, and I built in success by planning for success; I committed to do whatever it takes. Each time I saw Julie, I signed up to go to a refresher two or three months out. I knew if I didn't need the refresh when they called me, I could push it out another month or more. This is what my refresher schedule looked like:
  1. 01/27/11 - first session
    02/03/11 - second session
    02/17/11 - third session 
  2. 03/05/11 - refresher - I probably didn't need this so early after my initial three classes, but I was going on vacation and I was freaking out that I wouldn't be able to stay on program. I made the right choice.
  3. 06/15/11 - refresher
  4. 10/25/11 - refresher
  5. 01/14/12 - refresher
  6. 04/11/12 - refresher 
  7. 12/06/12 - refresher
I'm going for another refresher at the end of Sept. The plateau I'm currently experiencing is wearing on me, so I'm going in for more support. Yes, I know this all adds up to a lot money, but I wanted to succeed. Not everyone needs to go in as often I as I did. In my first class, in January 2011, I looked around the room at the other women, who were mostly sizes 14-20, and I knew right then, wearing my size 30/32, that there that my journey would be a longer one than theirs. It only deepened my commitment to succeed.

Here's another more then and now photo. It does us all good to look back like this and see the truth in just how far we have come. It's all too easy to get caught up in how slow we feel the process is going and how much faster we wish it would be. It is what it is.
Then and Now
How do you measure success? What's different in your life that you couldn't do before losing weight?

Earlier posts and comments that talk about losing weight slowly:
August 27, 2013
Hello fellow travelers...I had 3 things happen recently that crushed my optimism and resolve to stay with the program (hopefully this is temporary). I need some words of encouragement, reality testing, or something from you guys.

 FIRST thing was looking at a pic of me taken on 8/15 when I thought I looked good - in the picture I looked really wide and and thick in the middle and was honestly shocked at my appearance. I felt as if all these past 8 months have been for naught and immediately (I know, this is a bad thing) felt intense self-loathing.

Maybe I have been deluding myself, I thought. All the positivity and good feeling with measurable (non-scale) changes and compliments of others suddenly meant nothing. I know this is not rational. Still hurts. Still mad at me.

 SECOND thing that happened was another picture - this one taken by a newspaper during event I attended - was published next day and was a closeup of my face from the side (not the best angle) and again I was shocked - who is that fattie with the extra chin and neck flesh that I thought was all gone by now? And my shoulder looked wide and even my chest.

Yikes I was freaked out. (I take pics of myself pretty regularly to see what I really look like - I like those pictures but maybe because always at a flattering angle.) Not feeling like the "hero" anymore that was posted about my story in June on this blog.

 THIRD thing that happened was I got a Wii Fit for a gift and used the Wii board to do a fitness/body test (thankfully it does not tell you weight unless you select that option but just knowing it was recording my weight was scary!) - and the board said based on my BMI, I was "Obese" - not even "Overweight" - and the beautiful colored Obese bar was colored all the way to the top!!!!!!!!!!!!  Like I have made no progress at all!

THEN, to add insult to injury, it took my little Mii (your meme or icon for your body) and POPPED it out fat instantly just to be sure I got the message that I am obese and then spoke it out loud to me. I felt so much shame. I might not use the board again for awhile, but I do like the other Wii sports such as tennis and ping pong and water boarding - all of which keep me moving and entertained for 2 hours a day every day since I got it.

Here is the big aaargh to share with you - I have been eating "forbidden" foods since all this b/c of the old faulty thinking - "might as well - I am a failure anyway - nothing works for me - might as well enjoy myself - I'll get back on program when I am ready, etc." Maybe I should just take an "allowed" week off and then commit to getting back on.

Anyway - there is a whole lot of honesty and I am sad to tell you that it is not working for me right now. Surely this has happened to others. I know you will suggest a refresher - I did that May 1st and it helped a bit. Don't have the $ right now to do another and somehow I don't think it will help. Gone are the days after my first 3-session program when I just did not even want bread, honey, fruit, etc. Now I want all of those things..............

Why doesn't the hypnosis to not want those thins last longer??????

Help!!!!!!!
August 26, 2013
Heroes and heroines:  Theresa, last night I was left thinking about your invitation to Sara to be a hero on this blog. I'd  be interested in others musing about this. While I was also amazed by her physical transformation, it seems to me that nomination as a hero shouldn't be based on the extent of weight loss, or the way one looks.

There are many people on this program who have faced challenges, hung in there, made emotional changes, displayed extraordinary wisdom, compassion towards others, given so much support to others on the journey (like you for instance) etc and that those merit recognition as heroism as much, if not more, than the concrete weight loss.

I'm concerned that we not make "success" a matter of numbers, whether pounds or sizes. If we do that we join into the societal madness which has ended up hurting so many of us.

 I was also thinking about Julie's comment that she keeps on a bit of additional weight because she looks less haggard that way, and those of us over 50, 60, 70 are unlikely to eve look the part of thin "heroes."

Eva
August 25, 2013
Anyone who has ever expected a child and gone full term can relate to the comment "I can't see my feet anymore"!

Well, when you are a size 26/28 woman, you have to just about bend totally frontwards to even get a glimpse of your feet. And there is no precious baby at the end of the feet-less journey...

See where I am going with this!

This is another non-scale victory for me:
I have feet! I can see my shoes without being an acrobat!
Only someone who has been morbidly obese can appreciate seeing their feet without bending forward.

Another non scale victory happened to me this week...

We went camping.

We don't have a big fancy camper.

Well if you don't have a big fancy camper, that means you do not have a big fancy bathroom.

You have a bathroom the size of a closet with a toilet stuffed in there somewhere.

It's no fun when you don't fit in the bathroom!

I fit! 

I fit in the closet bathroom and I fit comfortably--with the door shut at that!

I am seeing my world through different eyes lately and I love this!

The little non scale victories, AHA moments in my life make this journey so much fun.
August 25, 2013
If you haven't been to The Key Hypnosis website, you should go there and take a look around. The site provides details about Julie Kibe's weight loss program and other services, weight loss testimonial videos, frequently asked questions, and recipes.

Julie Kibe

August 23, 2013
Earlier this year, I went to a refresher. Someone asked Julie to "tell her" to exercise. Julie's reply? Julie spoke to us about "getting off the hamster wheel." She said "I can't make you exercise. YOU are unlike any other animal on the earth. YOU don't need to wait for someone to open the door and 'let you out.' YOU can go outside and WALK any time YOU want. So, that is what you should do. You should get up off of your couch, and go WALK OUTSIDE."
Get off the hamster wheel. Video by Theresa.
So, in the spring, when it was beautiful out, I got my music, my sneakers and my water, and out the door I went. I enjoy my neighborhood. It is beautiful, has hills and for the most part is very peaceful.

Until a neighbor's dog scared the heebie-jeebies out of me.....

Over the past years, while out walking, I have been bitten twice by dogs. Not in the neighborhood I live now, but still - something like that just doesn't leave you after it happens....And boy did this last encounter push me right back inside, back to sitting on my couch. I mean, Julie said get OUTSIDE and WALK!

Even with my little can of pepper spray, I was rattled by that dog. The dog came running into the road, barking his head off. I yelled all sorts of obscenities at the dog and then the owner came out. I continue on, my adrenaline just a flowing. After this incident, I didn't want to go outside anymore. With this kind of assault, it wasn't as much fun anymore!

I have had a treadmill for years and I've used it on and off. After the dog incident, the treadmill remained dormant. I used that dog and Julie telling me to get outside to walk as my excuse to get my butt sitting back on the couch! Oh, really? Those ribbons that I use to measure myself show I've gained weight? Really? Surprised?

No. Epiphany.

I may have been able to lose my weight without exercising, but that doesn't mean I get to KEEP it off just by being in the river.....my lazy paddling around may not be enough for me to maintain!

HELLLLOOOOOOO!
My little corner in Man's Land
I came to this conclusion: I think Julie would be just fine with me using my treadmill, especially living in New England where the weather has been not so great, and while I work on getting rid of my "dog nerves" yet again......

My second conclusion? I LOVE my treadmill! Yes, I can go out and walk, but why not still do what I love? I love having the television on, my music on, my fans on....I absolutely LOVE being on it! It has all sorts of inclines and speeds - I mix it up all the time. I have even been known to run on it! And I still have the CHOICE to get on it!

I owe it to myself to where I have come on this journey, to get on my treadmill, and to allow myself to enjoy it. I owe it to myself to do what I appreciate and what I like to do. Julie would never want me to do nothing! And if walking outside is not my favorite thing, then why not DO what I like?

I hope you all find what you truly love to do-yoga, swimming, walking, whatever, and that you follow what Julie says: GET MOVING!
August 19, 2013