I am writing this blog post in response to Miss Theresa's "Hero's" post from earlier today. I tried to write it as a comment at the bottom of that post, but, it got too long, and wouldn't let me post it! So, I created this new post.
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Jennifer May 2011 |
Started program: June 2, 2011
Starting size: 18-20
Current size: 6
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Jennifer (left) July 2011 |
Boy,
did my second year anniversary with Julie quietly approach! No pomp and
circumstance like the first year, where you say "HEY! I AM STILL
HERE!" I haven't "died" from eating just meat and vegetables, I am still
healthy (you know a lot of people look upon us as if we are going to
get sick if we do this long enough, or at least that has been my
experience.....), and there is quite the rush of remembering the
momentous occasion-I DID IT!
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Jennifer March 2013 (right) Susan (left) is another hero story we're hoping to see here! |
No, the second year just kind of shows up. Like a 3rd wedding anniversary, or a 22nd birthday. At least here it did.
The
whole year has been quiet! Not much has been too exciting in my world,
as I have settled in to just "living my life." For those of you who
don't remember much about me-I started June 2, 2011 with Julie, a size
18-20 with high blood pressure and pre-diabetes, and by December 2011 I
was an 8. I thought I would be happy there, but, I needed one more size.
So,
I did a refresher with Julie, and by February 2012 I was in a 6-8. More
6 than 8. WooHoo! I had done it! When June 2, 2012 rolled around, I
enjoyed my 1 year anniversary-wrote a post on here-did a jig, danced a
dance, ate some lobster and steak-said many "thank you, thank you, thank
you's" to Julie (I still am!) and my friends and family-especially the
new friends that I met through Julie.
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Jennifer in the September 22, 2012 Warrior Race |
How did a year of eating meat and
veggies and the occasional potato or popcorn come and go? How did that
happen?!?!?! It seemed to be the FASTEST year of my life!!!!
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Jennifer June 2013 |
NOW WHAT?!?!?!!
The
soul searching continues....I am still a work in progress.....what do I
want now? Where am I going? How do you stay motivated with eating meat
and vegetables???? Is this it? Am I continuing on? Do I want to gain
weight and get high blood pressure again? Do I want to eat a Snickers
bar? Do I want to eat pancakes???? Am I going to be a statistic and gain
all of my weight back???? Do I? Do I? Do I????????
The answer is a resounding NO.......
Year
two involved a few more refreshers, all the while continuing to follow
Julie's plan-both in the river and a little out of the river with potato
and then popcorn. I had a slip up in August 2012 when I went off the
deep end with the popcorn and half-and-half in my coffee. Freaked me
out. Back to Julie I went, and she set me straight.
Things quieted down
after that, much to my relief. Then I decided to see Julie (along with 5
others who I knew through FB or this blog) on April 4th, 2013, a week
after having breast reduction surgery; poor girls-they were deflated
balloons! (sorry if that is TMI) Because of my new boobs, I decided that
I needed to "fit into my size 6's better". With Julie's help, I quietly
stepped back into the river, and I have been "doing my thing" since. I
decided to spend a year in the river working on "getting rid of old
fat", something Julie talked about at my most recent refresher. And I am
very happy doing it, I might add! (A new thing with my weight loss came
the feeling that I like challenges-setting goals, and then seeing them
through. A beginning, a middle, and an end.)
I like
being in the river. I know a lot of you have been able to "bend the
rules" a bit-I have seen it written here and on the FB page (which I
have chosen to step away from) about people "
eating something they
shouldn't, doing 3 hard days, and being 'just fine': continuing to lose
weight, not having cravings, motoring along like nothing happened or
changed". I don't trust myself to do that. I did that my whole life,
and failed miserably. I know some of you viewed my discussions with
those that were able to do so on FB as "being judgmental", but, in my
eyes, I was more jealous than anything. How can (fill in the blank) go
eat pizza, eat a chocolate bar, whatever, and then do "3 hard days" and
carry on like they never stopped meat and veggies?!?!?! Why can't I?
WHINE WHINE WHINE!
I apologize to anyone who took
my jealousy as being judgmental. That was not my intention. Jealousy is
an ugly demon. It springs up and spits words out of my mouth, and
then is followed by remorse and regret. I have had to "move on" with
those envious thoughts. They don't make anyone healthy, and nothing good
comes from them. I am back to worrying more about me in a healthy way,
trying to work on me so I can become a better person on this earth, not
one who is seen as judgmental or envious. I do not want those adjectives
describing me!!!! I have accepted that there are people out there that
can jump in and out of the river and have no repercussions. I can't be
jealous or envious. That doesn't help you or me. It is what it is! I tip
my hat to you! And I apologize again.
I chose to
quietly let year number two pass by. I did a little "self-hypnosis"
today, shed a little tear, thought back to where I was, and then decided
"enough of that". I am going to focus on who I am going to be today,
and eventually tomorrow. If any of you see me as a "hero", then I tip my
hat to you as well!
We all have many diverse reasons
for having seen Julie. Some have done extremely well-I am indeed humbled
by them-I am inspired and happy for watching the journeys they have
been on. They too are in different stages of working on "Now
What"?????? If I have somehow helped with my rantings in a positive way,
then I am humbled. To me, it's a journey that I haven't minded sharing.
Especially if someone takes away a positive feeling and uses it to
better themselves.
Recommitting, rejuvenating,
relaxing-These are the powerful adjectives that I prefer to keep in my
vocabulary now-It has been wonderful working on letting go of the
negative words that I used to describe myself with....."dropping the
rock" as a friend's of mine with a different addiction expressed once.
Happy to let it go. A wonderful reminder of where I was. But, I am
happier not carrying it anymore.
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Jennifer May 2011 (left) and Dec. 2012 (right) |
Here's to year 3!
Read more Hero stories...
or share your story - send me an email by clicking on my name (Theresa) on the
bottom of the list of contributors in the left column of any page.