Friend of Julie: Sometimes Love Hurts

Sometimes Love Hurts. And last night, it hurt me. 

I have a sister who is 9 years younger than me. Opinionated. Witty. Smart. And someone who can, without knowing it, sting with her words.

I don't completely remember her word-for-word comment last night while we were on the phone talking, because I am still in shock. It was something like "you are no better now just because you are skinny." 

Really? Honestly? Are you kidding me? Someday I have to gather my courage (I hate confrontation) and ask her what she truly meant by that comment.

I am not making excuses, but my sister is going through a horrible time in her life. Just horrible. Stress beyond belief. And she is eating. Eating, eating, eating. Something I would have done too had I heard that comment before starting with Julie, or if I was going through what she is going through. I personally have not hurt my sister, and in my heart I know she is lashing out. If she feels bad, why not make me feel bad too? That is what I am thinking.

I don't see my sister often because there is a bit of distance between her house and mine, and we are busy. And I know over the last year that my weight loss was pretty dramatic. She has always been more in control of her weight, and in my eyes she has always been beautiful. But, she is overweight. Not as much as I ever was, but, heavier than she wants to be. I understand that.

Now I am thinking that she is a bit self-conscious of her weight. And hasn't been able to talk to me about it. I got a hint when she came out my way in the spring and we went shopping at Old Navy. She has always shopped there. I have never shopped there. Never thought that their clothes would fit. Lose weight, their clothes fit. I had fun. She didn't. She wouldn't try anything on in front of me. Why had that changed? When I was heavy, she would show me everything that she tried on, whether it fit or not. We used to share a changing room. And I am no better now because I am skinny? What is that all about?

She tells me that she is concerned about her daughter being heavy when she grows up, and she wants to teach her to "eat right" and be able to say no to food. That is a wonderful attitude to give a child. The only comment that I ever remember saying to my sister when she told me this was "why not offer her a hotdog or a hamburger without the bun?" Make a meal here and there without bread. Show her that that is an option too. Cut back on some of the carbs. Teach her about sugar and flour. I didn't go on and on, just mentioned it. Maybe she took this conversation the wrong way? I don't know. All I know is that I am wounded. I am hurting.

BUT! I will tell all of you that I have not ONCE thought about jumping out of the river and doing something stupid because of this. I know that food will not heal my heart. I know that it isn't healing her heart. Only time can do that. Food will not. So, contrary to what she said last night, I think I AM better now. Because I am not going to let food hurt me like her words hurt me. I will mull this conversation over and over and over, because that is what I do. Then, someday, when she is in a better place, I will talk to her about this. And tell her that her comment hurt me. I wont do that now because her stress is so great, and she needs to work on herself. I can wait.

I am offering this story to you because maybe this has already happened to you, or maybe one day it will, and it will cause you to stop in your tracks. You would think that people would be happy for you in an accomplishment such as this. I think, if I was doing Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig and had positive results, would she have said that? I don't know. Does she think that this was too "easy" for me? Shouldn't we be happy when someone has a positive accomplishment in their life? She has a Masters Degree. I have an Associates Degree. Would she say "you are no better now because you have an Associates Degree"???? I think not. Would she rather I still be heavy and have high blood pressure and still be pre-diabetic? I don't get it. Maybe someday I will.

I feel better now that I put my feelings down on "paper." Thanks for listening. I think I'm gonna go eat another piece of meat and go watch our Olympians kick some ass. Hugs to you all!