Friend of Julie: Mirrors

Meet Jennifer M, who started at a size 14 and is now a size 2-4. Jennifer is asking for help with a problem many of us have experienced. Despite the fact that all her clothes have literally fallen off her body, she's having trouble seeing the changes in her mirror, and she's nervous about starting maintenance.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall...

Here's Jennifer's story and questions:

I follow your blog and I love reading the posts. I first went to Julie in September of 2013 and I have had amazing success, but I think I need a little bit of advice and I really do not know where to turn. Since your blog has been such a great resource for me the last several months, I thought maybe you could give me some advice/insight as to what I am feeling.

First, I should tell you that I was always thin, often considered underweight. I started gaining weight in college. The pounds came on rapidly and I just figured it was the "freshman 15." Each year, I gained more and more and was finally diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), after several years of searching for answers to several health mysteries.

Through the PCOS diagnosis, I ended up receiving fertility treatments (more weight gain!) which resulted in a pregnancy. Being pregnant was the only time I was able to lose weight and I lost 30 pounds. Once my daughter was born, the weight came back on and  15 extra pounds. I never have eaten terribly, and I am extremely active, but no matter what I ate or how much time I spent at the gym, the weight wouldn't budge. After researching PCOS and talking to my family, I learned that Hashimoto's disease is closely related and it runs in my family.

It was around the time I was diagnosed with this that I went to my first session with Julie. I was an extremely tight size 14. I listened to what she said and I followed all of her instructions. I did not have the same triggers as you and others on the blog have mentioned. I just ate my meat and veggies because I felt good not eating the other junk. I wasn't totally convinced that the hypnosis worked on me because of this, but I firmly believed that the principles of the program make sense, especially for my health.

Now I'm between a size 2 and 4. I have not strayed from the program. I had to purchase an entirely new wardrobe because my old clothes literally fell off my body. I get complements every day.

My problem is that I don't see any change when I look in the mirror. I'm scared that this could become a serious problem... forcing me to never go into maintenance because I'm scared to eat anything else, or worse--trigger an eating disorder.

My goal when I saw Julie was to get into a size 6. I have surpassed that, but I'm still not pleased because I don't see a change. Also, Julie had said that maintenance should start after a year on the program. I am not there yet. (Note from Theresa: I believe this was a misunderstanding in something Julie said, as there is not set time when one should begin maintenance.)

Do you have any thoughts or similar experiences? I am not sure what to do at this point. I am scheduled to see my doctor next month and I plan to bring my concerns to him, but I would love some insight from someone who has been through it all.

Jennifer, congratulations on your incredible success in reaching your goal size! This is no small feat, as we all know. I'll do my best to answer your questions and concerns from my own experience and I hope others will respond with their experiences too.

As far as seeing your body changes in the mirror goes, just about everyone I know has expressed they too had problems seeing their weight loss at one time or another. I often hear others refer to poochy belly, their arms as bat wings, or thunder thighs, the list goes on and on.

After a week of being with 5 other women during my vacation, I noticed that this list is something all women seem to have and not just women who have lost weight. Every time I showed a photograph to one of my traveling friends, they always criticized themselves, despite the fact that they looked beautiful in the photo. If they didn't point out something about their body, then it was something about what they were wearing. I was keenly aware of this every time I showed them a photo, even the woman in her 70's who was very petite! So, it isn't just because we've lost weight, it seems to be common for women to speak negatively about their bodies.

Seeing our new bodies and adjusting to them in our heads is not easy. This is something each of us has to work through for ourselves. This is all about self-acceptance. It's essential for each of us to make this transition to see our bodies as they really are, to see the positive, and to stop focusing on our flaws. Look at those photos of you in your tight 14's - you are not that same woman! Do this often.

I don't want my life to be a constant battle with myself over my size when I'm at goal; I refuse to live this way. When I was a 30-32 and never saw myself that size either. I'm determined to work through this issue. I want to live life to the fullest and not be so self-obsessed with my body. I am determined to start this process now and if I'm still seeing myself the size I really am when I reach my goal, I'm go to therapy.

This is all part of the journey, as is going on maintenance. What you're describing about being fearful of maintenance is normal. Julie tells us we must be willing to play the game (of maintenance) in order to take this weight off and keep it off. Maintenance is about bringing foods back in slowly and intentionally. Along the way, we will gain some weight and we will take it off by going back into the river. We repeat this process, adding new foods as we feel ready, going up and down within our goal size (not up in size, up to a tight goal size) until we get it and our body realizes this is our new pattern.

You can do this, just as you've done the rest of the program. Julie taught you maintenance in your classes and you have all the knowledge within you to achieve this goal too. Trust the process. Trust yourself. This will take time. How much time varies from person to person, but trust you to will get there!

Thanks for sharing your story.