Friend of Julie: Isn't it hard to put ourselves first????

A present left for Jill while at work

How many of us put ourselves first? I mean REALLY put our thoughts, our wishes, our needs FIRST?

This topic kind of emerged out of a discussion I was having with  2 friends who were both presented with an uncomfortable food situation this week where they both had to say "no thank you."

One found it hard, because her friend had gone out of her way to include her in a get-together by purchasing food she thought her invitee (aka following Julie) would eat: Flavored seltzer and veggies with dip. Yes, the veggies and dip would have worked, except there was no meat to go with.

"I really considered just eating a darn cucumber to make her feel good--I didn't, of course, but at that moment I was wishing I had a hot line to Julie's cell to ask for advice!"

Isn't this the old "devil on one shoulder/angel on the other" situation: Do I or don't I? How bad could it be? A few bites of a veggie, a sip of flavored seltzer. I need to be nice to my hostess! She did this for me! How rude would I be if left without eating or drinking something?

Can you see yourself in a time just like this? In this case, she worked through it, but left feeling somewhat guilty that this person had bought food/drink for her, and she didn't have any of it.

The picture above is from Jill, who found this nice present for her sitting on her desk at work. In Jill's words: "'Food for Thought' - Why do we reward or thank someone with super unhealthy food? It's like a bakery/candy store around here today because we are being "appreciated." I know it is all well-intended and I adore my students, but it makes me go "hmmmmm???" She ended up giving the candy away. Her student was being nice as were all of the students as they were presenting food-type gifts, so there were lots of temptations throughout the day. How do we convey to young people/students/acquaintances that we won't be joining in this type of "reward?" How do we teach them to step away from food as a reward? How do we teach them that we would love a hug, a handshake, a handwritten thank you?

Do you have people that try to help you "fit in" to what they are doing? Have you gone to a party where the hostess went out of her way to provide you with options that keep you on track? I do-I have a wonderful friend who follows the paleo diet (caveman diet-similar to ours, but with foods that I don't eat) and it has been a godsend to go to her house for get-togethers because I know there will be food I can eat. But I still bring a dish to share that is Julie-friendly and I always bring seltzer or unsweetened iced tea. She "gets it," she understands that if I don't feel comfortable eating something, I will say "no thank you." Others DON'T get the meat/veggie thing, and often times they won't provide something I can eat. And that is OK! I enjoy my time, I get caught up, I enjoy helping set up and cleaning up--but they really do look disappointed. Like they "failed." So, do we put them first and "help ourselves" or do we hold firm to "no thank you," knowing that in a while you can go home and get yourself something to eat? It is a tough challenge. For sure!

We have to put ourselves first! We are worth it! There are "lessons" for all involved: someone will hear "no thank you", someone will say "no thank you". There may be silence, there may be awkwardness, you may not want to accept an invite the next time (you may not GET an invite the next time!).....but we HAVE to put ourselves first! I can pretty much assure you that each time it gets easier, and it sure feels better being a little hungry and proud, than bloated, disappointed and depressed.

At my last refresher, Julie talked about wanting us to feel truly happy. Inside happy. Resonating happy. We truly can be happy when we put ourselves first. It's OK to say "No Thank You!!!!!!"