Friend of Julie: I Wish

A key component to this weight loss program is visualization. In class Julie guides us through a long visualization and she encourages us to visualize how we want to look at our goal size. The visualization process should not end when class is over. If what we think is what we get - then I want to be mindful about what I think. Is what I'm saying preventing me from getting what I want--am I wishing for the wrong things? To answer this, I wrote a list of sentences that I say about this program that start with I wish...

Photo source: Bubblews

I wish I was a smaller size. I wish I would lose weight as fast as everyone else. I wish I was at goal size. I wish I could eat some of the foods I used to eat. I wish I could eat like everyone else. I wish I could eat more cheese. I wish this wasn't so hard. I wish there was a book or list of foods allowed on this program. I wish I knew my weight.

I'm sure there are more things I want, but this is enough inventory to take stock of and decide what's really important. Reviewing this list, I realize I already have some of these things and some of them aren't that important.

I wish I was a smaller size.
Oh, wait - I am a smaller size - I'm 8 sizes smaller than I was 3 years ago. I was a size 30/32 at the end of January 2011 when I first saw Julie. It may be hard for some to believe, but it is easy for me to forget how much weight I've lost because my weight has come off gradually. Wait - what part of losing weight gradually is bad? My ego wants to be at goal size today, but losing weight slowly is healthy. I'm doing everything I can to reach my my goal size and as long as I continue on this path I will continue to drop sizes. I'm going to stop focusing on this wish.

I wish I would lose weight as fast as everyone else.
I'm not everyone else, so I can let go of this wish too. Yes, I know others who lost their weight quicker. I also know people who are not losing weight fast. Time isn't what I should be spending my wishes on, as I have no control over time. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. It's time to stop looking at time and focus on something I can do: staying the course.

I wish I was at goal size.
This is where visualization plays a big role in this journey. To help me visualize what is realistic for me, I look at other women who are my height and body type; this is a good thing. Wishing I was at goal size is not a good thing. Why? Wishing to be somewhere other than where I am has more of a negative connotation than a positive one. To turn this around, I'm switching my focus on visualizing me at my goal size instead of wishing I was there. I'm not giving up on reaching my goal size. The difference is positive thinking: visualizing my goal as obtained versus focusing on the negative: I'm not where I want to be.

I wish I could eat some of the foods I used to eat.
This wish can only lead to a dead end. Let me be perfectly honest here - ALL of the foods I used to eat that come to mind (when I think of foods I wish I could eat) are carbs. Carbs turn to sugar and sugar is what led me to a size 30/32. Eating the way I used to is not an option. Eating some of the foods I used to eat is not an option either, at least not while I'm in the weight loss phase of this program. Meanwhile, I remain optimistic when I have cravings. I remind myself that it's just for now that I choose not to eat those food - it isn't for the rest of my life. When I reach my goal and learn how to maintain my weight, I will introduce foods that I don't eat today. I may find some of those foods are triggers for me and then avoid them. Today, I don't want to eat ANY of the foods I used to eat, so I can drop this from my wish list.

I wish I could eat like everyone else. 
Once again - I'm not everyone else. If I look around and ask myself: do I really want to eat like everyone else? The answer is no. I don't need this on my wish list for another moment.

I wish I could eat more cheese. 
Cheese is a condiment, it's not a protein, it should not be eaten by itself, and it is not to be considered the main course. Eating too much cheese can make us plateau or even gain weight. Oh no, no, no - I do not wish I could eat more cheese.

I wish this wasn't so hard. 
The simple truth is change isn't easy for most of us, but the one constant thing in our lives is that things change. In order for me to go from a size 30/32 to a size 8, I must change. I must push through whatever feels hard and stay the course. If it was easy, I would have been a size 8 years ago.  Losing weight is hard. Learning to maintain weight loss is hard. Being a size 30/32 was hard too. Life as an obese woman was hard. Nobody promised this would be easy. This journey is hard. End of story. Move along. Focus on other things.

I wish there was a book or list of foods allowed on this program.
This program is not like other weight loss programs. The book or a list you want doesn't exist. We were taught to follow what we learn in our class and not to confer with others because, like everything else in life, this program changes. The program evolves. A yogurt we once enjoyed is no longer allowed because the company changed how they made it (they added sugar). Get over it. Something I've started doing is to ask myself "if Julie were here, would I eat this?" This helps me know what is on program. In doubt - leave it out.

I wish I could know my weight. 
We don't get on the scale because those numbers mess with our head. When I first started this journey I thought I would ask my doctor to tell me after I passed the 50 pound weight loss mark. I didn't need anyone to tell me I passed that milestone because I knew this by the size of clothes I wore. Yes, every time I visit my doctor I want to know what I weigh, but I agreed not to weigh myself when I began this program and I want to keep my commitment. Remember: knowing our weight tells our mind know how much weight we need to gain back. No, I don't really want to know my weight.

My One Wish

I believe what we think is what we get out of life, so I strive to be more mindful about what I wish for and what I think about. In the big picture of life, I only have one wish for me, all my friends and family, and for all of you: I wish for all of us to have good health.

I have good health today and I worked hard to get here. But not everyone has good health. Last week friends told me they lost a friend to cancer; five friends of my friends are gone.

Today I choose to focus on what's really important in life: I choose to let myself dream big, I choose to continue to change, to evolve, to learn, and to push through the hard things in life, and I chose to live my best life. I wish this for all of us.

Tap, tap, tap.