As I walked from my car to my office early yesterday morning, I noticed a stride in my walk that wasn't there the day before. I was wearing a long-sleeved chocolate brown blouse, which I recently had altered, with blue jeans, that were skin-tight in July when I was in Alaska, but fit perfect now, and a blue leather jacket, which hasn't fit me for six years. I felt incredible. I felt a lightness within my body; my body was no longer weighing me down or holding me back. An internal airline stewardess-sounding-voice told me you are free to move about the planet. And move I did. I moved through my day with an inner glow that I was aware of all day. My routine on the treadmill added to my energy level and positive attitude. Cartwheels were a part of my day, if only in my mind.

Last night at the movies, I was aware of the extra space all around me in my seat. I was at Rave Theater, where the seats and isles are extra wide, and I enjoyed the open space by my sides. I leaned my body from the middle of my seat to left and a while later to the right, and there was a lot of space between my body and the edge of the chair. My body no longer squeezed against the sides. Again I heard my internal airline stewardess-sounding-voice you are free to move about the chair.

The Things People Say...
A few memorable things I heard from friends and family recently

When I was in the gym, yesterday (I love having those word as part of my conversations), I saw someone I hadn't seen in a while and she said:
"You had your back to me in the gym the other day and I didn't recognize you!"
On my way to lunch, I passed a friend who said:
"You're disappearing!"
One family member saw me earlier this week and said:
"You aren't starving yourself--are you?"
No, I am NOT starving myself - I'm eating rather well in fact.

Feeling this good has been a long time coming and well worth the wait.
Today's couch25k program was 5 minute warm up, 20 minutes jogging, and 5 minutes cool down. I was nervous about being able to run for 20 minutes, but I did it! I promised myself I wouldn't watch the time on my phone (where the application is running), but after 9 minutes I looked and then I looked again every 2 minutes or so. When I saw 8 minutes we remaining, I told myself  "I can do eight minutes" and I kept going.

Wooo hooo! I am proud of myself for accomplishing this!

For the next couple of days there will less jogging than today. The jogging time picks up again in four days and by the time I do the 5K (Dec. 4), I'll be jogging for 28 minutes. I am excited because now I know I can do this run and it can be really fun.

I was tired for about a half hour after my program, but a half hour later I felt great!

Keep in mind, I didn't start exercising until five weeks ago and I was  following Julie's program for  9 months before I decided to follow Julie's advice:
If you don't exercise, and you have a lot of weight to lose,
it's going to take a really long time
.

About the Hot Chocolate Run

The Hot Chocolate Run is a 5K run and a 2 mile walk through downtown Northampton, Massachusetts. This event raises funds for Safe Passage, the Hampshire County organization providing shelter, counseling, and advocacy services to women and children who have experienced domestic violence. This event is Safe Passage’s largest fundraising event.  View the Google map of the run.
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What's for breakfast? Anything you want. I don't eat breakfast on a regular basis, because I follow the "eat when you're hungry" rule and most days I'm not hungry until after 1PM. There are days when I am hungry in the morning and I either make something or heat up leftovers.
Asparagus Frittata Recipe
Breakfast is not limited to eggs. You may have anything you want for breakfast, for example,
  • Leftovers from dinner the night before - just the meat or repeat the entire meal.
  • Have meat alone: sausage patties or links, bacon, ham, steak, chicken, pork, meatballs, or meatloaf.
  • Meat and eggs. 
  • Make an omelet, a crust-less quiche, or a frittatta
  • I love leftover salmon and I enjoy having it for cold breakfast.
If you're not hungry, don't have breakfast: eat only when your hungry.

Since I only cook for one person, I usually have leftovers for at least one more meal. This is actually a good strategy, to have something on hand when you get hungry.

When I grew up, we sometimes ate breakfast for dinner. Having dinner for breakfast isn't any different, you just have to let go of thinking that only certain foods are for breakfast. How many times did you have leftover pizza for breakfast? Why should any other leftover meal be any different?

Quick breakfasts:
  • Slices of deli ham. I prefer black forest ham sliced thick. I find the shelf-life is often short on deli meats, so I don't overstock and I try to get a good brand, such as Boar's Head.
  • Cottage cheese with meat.
What to eat out for breakfast?
  • Most restaurants have great choices for breakfast. Get over the fact that it may cost the same if you order the special and pass on the home fries and toast. Nobody is starving in China because you pass on these things. I like to order omelets or frittata with sausage, bacon, or ham on the side.
  • Beware of frittata with potatoes. One of my favorite places serves a slice with a wonderful salad. I have to pick out the potatoes, but it's worth my trouble. Yes, I have salad for breakfast sometimes! My friend and I enjoy it so much, when she had me over for breakfast, she made us a salad too.
  • Eggs Benedict is a favorite of mine too.
  • Fast food places will make any sandwich for you without the bread. Again, don't hold out for a price break. Tell them what you want and they'll make it for you. They get confused over this, but they want to make you happy.
  • Whole Foods sells cold salmon in their deli, so if you're having a late breakfast give them a try.
  • Remember to look for what you can have - not what you can't have. Or, don't even look at the menu, just tell them what you want.
When I first started this program I was not much of a meat eater. I wasn't vegetarian, but I never ordered red meat out and rarely cooked it at home. Imagine following a meat intensive program and hating meat. I had to get over myself and quickly if I wanted to be successful following Julie's program, as red meat is the top priority on her food list for losing weight, followed by pork and then chicken etc.

There were two reasons behind that decision. One reason: childhood memories of Mom's Sunday pot roast. My memory of her pot roast recipe, with my twisted sense of humor, is as follows:
  1. Place bloody-as-hell pot roast in a roasting pan.
  2. Dump 1 can cream of mushroom soup on top of roast.
  3. Fill can with water and splash over roast.
  4. Sprinkle roast with 1 package of onion soup mix.
  5. Cover with foil and place in oven.
  6. Bake at 350 for 20 minutes.
  7. Serve with bloody drippings to your family.
  8. Note to children who hate meat: wait until everyone is done eating and every time mom leaves the room, feed the dog another bite under the table.
There were children starving in China, so I had to stay at the table until I ate all of my pot roast. I never understood how my eating what was on my plate would help kids in China.

To this day, I lose my appetite if there's blood on the plate or the meat is red inside. I've had times where I cooked a burger at home and halfway through I can't take another bite even though the burger is cooked how I like it.

This brings me to my second reason for not eating meat: restaurants. Years ago I gave up ordering meat at restaurants because I tired of sending my meat back two and three times and eating my main course while my friends ate dessert. Sending my meat back took away from enjoying my meal. There are plenty of other items on the menu to order that allowed me to enjoy the same course as my friends and not have an issue with returning food.

Imagine the difficulty I would have following Julie's program if I didn't find a solution to my beef issues. I need to eat a lot of red meat often and Julie can't make me like meat more. I had to find a way around my bad memories of meat in order to follow the program. I asked a lot of questions the first night about red meat choices and started with my favorites.

Pepperoni is allowed, but since it's high in fat, I need to watch how often I have it. I used to have it a few times a week when I first started, then weaned myself down to once a week and now less than once a month. I only buy whole pepperoni sticks from Chef-a-Roni, my favorite Italian deli in Rhode Island. I like having a bit of cheese with the peperoni and if I have a veggie with them, I have either olives, coleslaw, carrots, or celery. In the early days of this program, I ate more cheese than I should have. At one of the sessions I heard Julie say "cheese should be treated as a condiment". That was a light-bulb moment. Cheese can't be the main course.

Meatballs are one of my favorite red meat choices. Yes, you can make meatballs with breadcrumbs. The same goes for meatloaf. I prefer to make meatballs as to eat them out, because I like my meatballs better. Restaurants often add pork or other meats to their meatballs; I'm not big on pork either. Although I have started having pork sausages and I really enjoy them.

I make a crockpot full of meatballs and I have no problem eating them over several days. I make a pan of meatloaf and do the same. I follow Julie's suggestion about tossing castup 30 days after buying it because I use up a small container within a month. The same applies to other condiments, I buy small containers and use them within 30 days. I always have a second container in the cupboard. The 30-day rule applies, because there are chemicals on top of the lid, which begin to break down into the food after 30 days. That chemical breakdown alters the food and then interacts with our bodies in ways that are not healthy for us. I'm not a chemist, so this is my approximation of the process. You can Google this for a better understanding.

In recent months, I've moved to organic/grass fed beef and chicken. Yes, it costs more, but if you do a Google search on this, you'll quickly understand you pay more now at the grocery store, but it tastes so much better and is much better for our bodies. I never thought I'd buy into this concept, but recently Temple Grandin spoke at Mount Holyoke College and I rented the video about her life and it changed my attitude about everything organic.

I ate out a lot when I started this program. It's amazing how my perspective of a menu changed. I see what I can have rather than what I can't have. I often went to Dunkin Donuts and ordered a sandwich without the bagel, a challenge for the cashier, but it worked for me. They put the cheese between the egg and the meat and include a knife. A few weeks ago I bought frozen sausage (small disk size) and I cooked the sausages in one pan and eggs in a poacher pan. I serve the eggs on top of the sausage and sometimes I make hollandaise sauce (from a package - be sure to add fresh lemon juice). This week I discovered fresh sausage in the meat section and they were much better than the frozen ones. I had eggs and sausage for dinner last night.

When I first started the program, I ate a lot, as Julie suggested "eat when you're hungry". I still follow this, but I'm not as hungry as I was back in Feb. I don't always have breakfast, though I usually have coffee. If I'm hungry, I eat. If I'm not hungry, I don't eat. If I'm going out of town, I often take day trips to visit my family in RI, I frequently bring food with me. I can eat out and stay on program, but it gets expensive quickly. I often travel with beef jerky, but I know where to stop for some if I get hungry on the way home.
There are many aspects of being obese that I didn't think about in my daily life, but once in a while circumstances would make me aware of my obesity.

At age 37, when I decided to go to college full-time I pushed all obstacles out of my way to make that happen. I did not anticipate that I would not fit into the desk-style chairs, which was the case my first day of class. I stood in the back of the room with with  flushed cheeks and I held back tears; I didn't know what to do. Within a few minutes, there more students in the room than chairs. The professor sent us to the next room for chairs and I quickly grabbed a larger chair for myself. After that class, I arrived early to all of my classes and made sure I would have a seat that fit.

It's humiliating to realize you're too big to fit into a chair. I feel embarrassed and when others realize the situation, they don't know what either.

I never told my friends this, but over the years I preferred one movie theater over the others, because the seats were bigger and there was more leg room. One of my favorite movie theaters (Pleasant Street Theater in Northampton), has seats that look like they came out of an old airplane. I stopped going there because the seats were so uncomfortable. I returned there a few months ago and there still isn't much leg room, but the seats fit!

This afternoon I went to a movie at Amherst Cinemas. When I arrived there was only one guy behind the counter to sell tickets and work the concession area. Both lines were long and he cleared the other line before he sold the tickets. When I walked into my movie, previews were just finishing up and as I looked for a seat, the theater darkened and credits for the movie I was there to see were just starting.

I walked to the top of the stairs in the dark and turned toward the screen, waiting for the light of the screen to return so I could see where seats were open. I scanned the rows and didn't see any empty seats. Slowly, I walked down the steps looking in each row. I spotted one open seat at the end of the row farthest from me and against the wall. Not for me, I thought. I saw two open seats in the first row from the screen and took a few steps down and then I paused. There was no way I was going to sit in the first row.

I'll go back and ask for a ticket to another show, I thought. I was disappointed that I was not going to see the movie I had planned my entire day around. I rushed down three more steps and thenlooked up at the exit sign.

No! I can do this, I told myself.

I spun around and ran back up to a row with an open seat.

Moments earlier, I had discarded this open seat as an option.

"Excuse me," I said. Two people moved into the isle and the rest moved their feet or stood up to let me go by. I squeezed past everyone and then sat into my chair, which fit quite nicely.

I never would have done this a few months ago. I would not have attempted to squeeze by people in a movie theater. It would have been too humiliating and I would feel bad for each person I passed, putting my big body in their way of seeing any part of the movie. No, I would most certainly have asked for my money back or to see another movie.

Weigh loss is about much more than a number on a scale. It's about fitting into a seat at the movies, on an airplane, or in a classroom. It's about many little things that happen in our lives that easily go unnoticed. Today I noticed.

Umbrellas - oh yes...I wanted to write my story about umbrellas. I once said to a friend "I never go into Victoria Secret because the only thing that fits me in that store is their umbrellas." In the year ahead, I will still have the option to buy a Victoria Secret umbrella and a whole lot more.

Oh, and the movie I saw today was called "The Way" and I highly recommend it!
There are periods of time when I feel like I'm not dropping weight.  When this happens, I remind myself it's part of the process and at some point soon after I enter a hungry phase. Since I eat when I'm hungry, I start eating more meat when I feel hunger more than usual. I find following this path weight begins to drop again. This cycle has happened enough times that I recognize it when it starts and I go the course and repeat the outcome. How cool is this...when you're hungry-eat to satisfy that hunger and the weight starts coming off again.

Another thing that helps the weight to come off is exercise. I recall Julie saying we don't have to exercise, but if we have a large amount of weight to lose, it's going to take a lot longer. Now that I've been exercising for five weeks, it feels like a habit and I don't like missing a day.

Speaking of exercise, on my way into the gym the other day, a friend asked what kind of exercise I was going to do. I told her about my couch25K app and how I gave myself a goal to work up to by signing up for a 5k run the first week of December. She said she prefers to swim because it's gentle on the body. What's gentle on the body, I thought, is any kind of exercise one enjoys enough to continue doing it the rest of their life. For me, it's running.

I used to be extremely active because it was fun. Staying between 142-150 was a bonus. I'd come home from work, put on my Nikes and change into my runners suit, which I made, such as a burgundy sleeveless tank top and short shorts with piping around the edges and a matching headband, and I'd run six miles in an hour. Weekends, my friends and I did a lot of water skiing, swimming, and long hikes. Tennis, volleyball, and aquatics we're other fun activities I did with friends. Dancing wasn't considered exercise back then, but we got a good workout then too.

Eating well makes exercise easier too. And, I don't know how it is for the rest of you, but I haven't had indigestion in a really long time. I didn't have it much, but now I never have indigestion.
I'm pleased with how I'm progressing with my couch-to-5k program. Yesterday, the jogging time expanded:
  • Walk 5 minutes/Jog 3 minutes
  • Walk 90 seconds/Jog 5 minutes
  • Walk 3 minutes/Jog 3 minutes
  • Walk 90 seconds/Jog 5 minutes 
  • Walk 5 minutes
This exercise program is so cool! It was a hard workout, but ten minutes after I was finished - I felt incredible. Two days earlier, the routine was the same, but I had forgotten my tee-shirt and I had to wear a sweatshirt inside the gym the entire time. Man, that was one hot session and it was a difficult workout being so overheated. It took me a good 45 minutes before I cooled down and felt good from the workout. I won't forget my exercise clothes anytime soon.

What kept me going this week on the treadmill was remembering how I used to feel tired and over exerted all the time. But on the treadmill, I push through it and after I'm done I feel fantastic. This week, I looked forward to my workouts. It was such a stressful week from the snowstorm and not having heat or electricity for a few days. I connected with my inner-athlete from long ago, who used to run to work off stress from they day. This solutions feels and looks better than anything I used to eat when I was stressed. Exercise brings me into the present moment; food numbed me. I like being present much more.

I missed a day on the treadmill this week, but am moving forward just the same. I don't carry guilt or feel I need to squeeze in another day. I know I'm doing my best and that once in a while life gets in the way of exercise. I'll do my best not to miss another exercise day again. It's a new thing for me -- enjoying working out, or at least new in the past decade.

I want to be more flexible. Some days I feel as if I could easily break. My "runners knees", as my doctor assessed them, hurt when I go down steps or slopes. That's when I feel most fragile. The doctor prescribed stretching exercises. I did them twice three months ago. I want to incorporate them as a part of my daily routine, like flossing. I can't get down on the floor because I fear I won't be able to get up. I want to overcome the fear as well as the pain. Doing the stretches is the first step. Getting up and down on the floor is the next step. After that: yoga or tai chi.

Today was a shopping day, as it's time for new bras. Last week I tried bras and I left empty-handed. I had no idea what size I needed and I wasn't having success finding the right fit on my own. Today, I thought I'd have better luck at JC Penney's, but the sales woman there seemed to speak a different language. I left empty-handed and feeling like a freak. I ended up at Lane Bryant. I didn't want to go there, because I thought I was done shopping in specialty stores for large women. Turns out I'm not quite done. At least not when it comes to buying a bra.

The Lane Bryant sales woman measured me and after a few tries, she found the right one for me. Turns out that not only was I going about the size all the wrong way, but I needed a different style too. This time, I left the store with three new bras. All without judgment from the sales person. The new ones are two sizes smaller than the ones I have at home. Time to toss all of them this weekend.

While there, I tried on a beautiful dark green sweater in a size 18. I didn't buy it because I'm not ready to spend money on new clothes just yet. It was on sale for $30, but I know it will be too big in two months, so I passed on it. It was nice fitting into an 18, even if it is in a large woman's store. I was curious what size pants would fit me there, but I passed on trying on pants.

My day to run on the beach is coming. Meanwhile, I am inspired by this photo...