Friend of Julie: My Mess is My Message

I've only blogged once a month since July, except for a handful of recipes. Posting healthy recipes doesn't inspire anyone to eat healthy, myself included. I've been quiet because things have been messy in my life and I didn't feel I could publicly share the messy side of my weight loss journey. Last week I changed my way of thinking about this.

Make your mess your message. Photo by Theresa

I was inspired by GMA's co-Anchor Robin Roberts when I heard her encourage people: Make your mess your message.

I accept that I'm going through a messy phase in my life, and, with Robin's encouragement, I appreciate that in sharing my messy life, specifically as it relates to obstacles and outcomes of my weight loss journey, in making my mess my message, perhaps this will help a few of you struggling on your journey.

Today's messy life story is short. I pulled these words from the privacy of my journal. This is intentionally sparse on details, deep into the heart of the situation, and quick to end. Spoiler alert: not all stories have happy endings.

The entire time I ran errands I was in a lot of pain. My sore left knee made getting in and out of the car difficult and painful. The skin treatment my dermatologist prescribed to burn off layers of per-cancerous skin was working. I know this because my nose, chest, and hands were itchy and burning. I felt embarrassed to be seen with such dry and red skin.

On my drive home, I felt proud that I had passed three ice cream stands after having several inner dialogues about stopping or not stopping. Yeah! I didn't stop. Yet suddenly, there I was buying a double scoop. When I grabbed napkins, I almost tossed the cup in the trash, but I didn't.

At home, I was aware that I actually did feel better as I ate my ice cream and in the minutes to follow. I wanted a reprieve from the pain and I got it.

For all of about 5 minutes. Then it was as if I'd had no reprieve at all. No amount of sugar or carbs will ever resolve my pain, my stress, my anxiety, or whatever is causing me to want those foods. This is hard to remember when I'm deep into the mess of things.

I accepted my decision: that I had gone off-program, that I had given in to the wild calls of sugar. Then I let it go. In the morning I began again. As I wrote recently: forgiveness is key.

This is the end of this short story, but it is not the end of my journey. There's so much more to my life than my weight loss journey. My life is a bit messy these days. While I'm not happy with this messy part of my journey/life, I'm not going to give up. I am going to reach my goal size.

Over a decade ago I took photos at a family gathering and when I reviewed them I came across a blurry photo. There was something beautiful in the blur of the colors and the scene that was mesmerizing. I printed a large size of this photo, framed it, and entered it in an art show. It was the first photo in my series I call Life is Sometimes a Blur.

This post is the first of my posts about my messy life.

It is my hope that some of you will share your stories of how you overcame life's obstacles while on this weight loss journey, how you got out of your own way and succeeded on your journey. I could use a good story about now and I'm sure I'm not alone.