Friend of Julie: Devastation

A friend recently asked me what I would do if I gained all my weight back. I was afraid to even answer the question. I can't imagine what I would do. I'd be devastated. Over the holidays a plea for help came from someone who has gained all the weight they lost and is unsure as to where to go from here on their weight loss journey.

Theresa in summer of 2004 (30/32) versus summer of 2015 (14/16)

Here's the question:

I went to Julie about 4 years ago, did really well for me, and then gave up. I can't forgive myself or my terrible weight gain. At my heaviest and so sad. Work full-time now and can't afford to go back. Friends tell me it wouldn't help anyway because I am a "rule breaker" and hypnosis doesn't work for us.

What do you think?

—Anonymous

What I think is this: your weight loss journey is yours and only you can decide what you can and can not do. Your friends can't tell you how to resolve your food issues; only you can do this. Only you know what is possible and even this is questionable, as there are many times in life when each of us have far exceeded our own limits. You can do this if you really want to. You did it once and you can do it again.

That doesn't mean it will be easy, but if it was easy then none of us would have weight problems. We each need to learn to trust ourselves to eat the right foods and then repeat, repeat, repeat, until we are in our goal size and learn how to maintain that size.

As far as being a rule breaker, well what if you break the rule about being a rule breaker and become some one who doesn't break the rules?

Hypnosis may not work for your friends, but it worked for you. You can't go by what others believe possible for you. You must once again learn that you can trust yourself and your body. The fact that you did 'really well' on this program four years ago speaks volumes as to whether you can trust yourself or your body.

Okay, so you made a mistake or two and then things got out of control. Move on. Forgive yourself. Stop being so mean to yourself and let go of what you could have, should have, but didn't do, and move on. Yes, you can get your food cravings back in line. Yes, you can learn to trust yourself once again. Yes, you can do this.

Yesterday's post from Momomig, Elevated Status, said this about cravings:

Cravings are nothing more than a thought. You observe that a food would taste nice. Like you observe that a car is nice, that a hair color is pretty, that someone's home is lovely... you don't necessarily obtain that thing - you simply notice it and go about your life.

Can you do this on your own or do you need a refresher? I can't answer this and neither can anyone else. There are key-followers who report gaining back all their weight and then taking it off again all on their own. There are also those who gained the weight back and went for a refresher and found success that way. You get to choose here. You did it once, you can do it again, with or without the refresher. Dig deep and decide what will work for you.

As far as not being able to afford to go back for a refresher, sure it's not cheap, but junk food isn't cheap either. If I were to add up what I spent in a day on junk food and then multiply that out...well it all adds up to a lot of money and fast.

Do some math with me on this. I'll keep it simple by looking at just one junk food item I used to eat several times a week: ice cream. One container of Ben and Jerry's ice cream averages about $4.50. If I had 3 containers a week, that adds up to $54 a month. If I ate out at a fast food place 3 time a week I'd easily spend $10 a meal, which is another $120.

BOOM—$175 in a month on junk food! Easily. I'm sure it was even more.

Spending the money to go to a refresher is like spending money on medicine. You spend the money, but if you don't take the meds (follow the program) then you're not going to get better (drop your weight).

Go shopping and get the right foods in your house and start eating key-friendly foods now. You won't get in for a refresher until March at the earliest, so you have at least eight weeks before you can get in. This gives you two months to get yourself on program and if you feel like you still need help (a refresher), you'll have some time to save up money too.

You are not a bad or horrible person because you gained all your weight back. You are not a failure either. You aren't the only one this has happened to and while this may not make you feel any better, I hope that you find hope in knowing others have been where you are and they were able to reach their goal size once again.

Welcome back to the river (on program). I wish you well on your journey.

Here are some responses I've received for you...

Wise words indeed!

F.A.I.L. means first attempt in learning

Related:
Elevated Status