Losing weight has helped me overcome a number of fears. But what about looking ahead? What fears arise when I look ahead in my life and all I can see is empty space? I've been working on this piece for a few months. Over time I added and deleted stories about how losing weight has helped me overcome fears, but the piece didn't feel finished. A recent life transition has given me the final piece to this story.
Photo by Theresa
The one thing about empty spaces--their very existence seems to send a message that you are ready for something new to arrive. - Martha Johnson Why Not Do What You Love
The Ice

Last winter I was walking on ice when suddenly I realized I was walking really fast--on ice. Walking on ice was a big challenge for me when I was a size 30/32. One freezing cold January day, more than a decade ago, I stood frozen in the middle of a hill on a side road. I was literally frozen. I could not move. The road was solid ice and I was afraid to move. No--I wasn't afraid to move--I was afraid of falling. I was afraid I would fall and not be able to get up. I couldn't budge an inch. Suddenly a man appeared out of nowhere, offered me his arm, and escorted me to the other side of the road where the ground was flatter and the snow was softer. He disappeared as quickly as he appeared and I never saw him again.

It's a great feeling no longer fearing that I will fall. I don't know when this change happened, but it was a great discovery to realize I have one less fear in my life.
Long Pond, Richmond, RI.
The Hike

At the end of May a couple of friends invited me to join them on an 8 hour 7 1/2 mile hike. My only hesitation was a project deadline a few days before the hike. Not wanting to make a promise I wasn't sure I could keep, I told them that I couldn't commit until the week of the hike. Meanwhile, I asked for more details about the hike and that's when fear hit me. There was a long list of details, but the first two freaked me out:
  • Waterproof hiking boots or trail shoes REQUIRED!
  • You will need to be reasonably fit to enjoy this hike. That said, if you engage in a normal level of activity, you should be fine. The first mile is very strenuous however.
I'm confident that I'm in the "reasonably fit" category, but I didn't have hiking boots. I told myself, There's no need for me to freak out, I can buy waterproof hiking boots, but what do they mean by strenuous? Slippery trails? Muddy trails? Rocks? I can do this! I told myself. I am not afraid! 

It was not feat that kept me from going to this event. After learning there were no bathrooms on this all day hike, I decided this hike wasn't for me. After seeing this photo a friend took along the hike, I was even happier with my decision.
This snake is a fear I have that I can live with.
The Hill

It was a gorgeous Sunday morning. My friend and I hiked walked about a half mile from the lake house through the neighborhood to the Mohegan Quarry. At the beginning of the trail lots of tails were wagging at the dog park. A few minutes later, the trail took us over a half dozen rocks, where skunk cabbage announced we were crossing through a wetland. We never saw another person after that until we crossed back over the wetland. It was incredible walking the sunlight dappled trails all by ourselves.

I looked up at steep hill we were about to climb and I realized I was hesitating for a moment and then remembered: Oh, I can do this! Sometimes it isn't until I reflect back and realize I just did something that I used to be afraid of doing, but I'm not anymore. This was one of those times. I had to remind myself that I no longer needed to be afraid of going up a hill and that I would be just fine when the time came for me to go back down the hill.

Two hours later, at the foot of that same hill, I turned and looked back up the hill and smiled. I hadn't hesitated for one second about going down that hill. It was only when I reached the bottom that I remembered my earlier hesitation.

It was the memory my body has of such hills that made me hesitate. My body remembers how physically challenging hills used to be for me. Today I look at this photo and ask myself what hill?
The hill. Photo by Theresa
Empty Spaces

My big transition that I mentioned a few weeks ago: I was laid off from my job. I see the empty space (the transition) as an opportunity to dream big and to change my life yet again. I'm not afraid of the empty space. Yes, there are moments when this feels scary, but I tap those fears away the same way I tap (push) away urges for foods that are not on program. Successful methods that work in one area of our lives can be applies to other areas. Tap, tap, tap!

My weight loss journey has prepared me for this transition. I've changed my life in so many ways since starting this program. All those non-scale victories built a strong foundation and not having to deal with all that extra weight is a big bonus.

After more than three years on this program, my autopilot is to set to healthy eating and exercising and that's exactly what I've done through this transition. Not once did I think about meeting up with my old buddies Ben and Jerry or going on an eating binge. Instead I spend my time networking and envisioning my new life.
Seize the moment to step into the unknown and be not afraid.
Photo and quote by Theresa.
What about you? What challenges are going on in your life that your weight loss journey has helped motivated and inspire you to take on? Tap away (push away) your fears, whatever they are, and keep moving forward. You can do this - you can do this program and when your life gets interrupted, you can stay the course because you have this.

All those times that you felt it was "hard" and you pushed through the tough time and stayed the course - those moments can help you push through other challenges you have in life. Tap, tap, tap!
Today is my fifth day of not meeting my daily FitBit goals and so I decided it's time for me to start pushing myself physically by committing to run a 5k. I didn't train for any of the events I did this year and consequently I walked more than I ran. I'm ready to start training to run an entire 5k. It's time for me to step up!
My 5k & 10k events from 2011 to 2014
After a race is not one's best moment for a photo, but I'm glad I had these photos taken. These photos represent more than just a moment in time. They provide a visual of my weight loss journey and they serve as visual reminder of how I felt during and after each event: I felt incredible!

There was a time when a five to ten minute walk was too much for me. So the fact that I did those last three events with no training is amazing. Just the same, I wonder if I had trained, what would my time have been and how much better I would have felt had I had pushed myself to the max. Mind you, at the time I was pushing myself as hard as I could, but if I had trained...

I'm not beating myself up here. My average time to finish a 5k has been around 45 minutes, which is far greater than the mere few minutes I used to be able walk. I want to find out what my peak performance is by running an entire 5k.

I'll go online next week and find an event that is far enough out to give me time to run through the full 9 week Couch to 5k program and I'll find a friend to run the 5k with me. I know myself well enough to know I do better when I run with a friend. My biggest reason for not getting in my daily FitBit goal is because my walking buddy is out of town. This is not a good reason, but I'm just telling it like it is.

The good news is that my walking buddy is back next week, so no more excuses. The other good news is that I plan to do my four mile morning walk with my friend (five days a week) and run three days a week. This is stepping up!

What about you? Are you ready to step up your fitness program? You don't have to run a 5k, but you do need to exercise to help your weight loss progress and to allow yourself to be as healthy as you can!

So come on - step up!

I've asked myself this question many times since I started this weight loss program: what's your rush? The simple truth is: I'm not a fast loser. I've set weight loss goals for myself, but I've come to realize a timeline that I create does not work on this program. Besides, this isn't a race, so what's the rush?
What's your rush - this isn't a race!
I want to be at my goal size, but I'm not there yet. I accept where I am today, a size 14/16, which is far from the size 30/32 that I was three and a half years ago. What slows down my weight loss? Plateaus. Plateaus are part of the weight loss journey, as this is the body's way of healing.

When I experience a plateau, I take time to pause and review the foods I'm eating, to check in with myself and see if there are foods I need to eliminate. I may have "gotten away" with eating high fat foods or  too much cheese when I was a size 30/32, but I didn't really get away with anything. Instead, I slowed down my weight loss and often put myself on a plateau. When I eliminate foods that I was eating too much of or too often, or OMG foods are inappropriate, my weight starts dropping again. Yes, there have been a few times that I discovered I was eating foods that are not on program. For example, I was eating dried green beans for a whole summer only to be reminded "no dried foods."

What about you? Is it possible you're eating foods that are not on program? I encourage you to take an honest look at what you're eating. Two easy targets: cheese and fats, but there are a few other areas to review.

Are you treating cheese like a condiment? If not, your body will hold onto the weight no matter what else you do. Many of us take time off from eating cheese. Consider not having cheese for a month. Does this idea freak you out? All the more reason to do this. If someone said, don't use parsley for a month, would you freak out? It's a condiment. We can live without condiments, including cheese.

Are you mindful of how much fat you eat? Here's what's important to understand about fat:
  • If you take in too much fat, the body stores it, which is something you do not want to happen.
  • When you eat protein, it takes an equal amount of fat from the body (yeah). 
  • If you aren't consuming much fat, the body takes the fat from fat it previous stored, which will result in weight loss (yeah). 
  • Consume too much fat and you quickly deplete the protein deposits you made and the new fat will then be stored as fat on the body (oh no).
Think about giving up or cutting back on cheese and fat as preparation for maintenance - when we will add new foods and then take them away as we learn to cycle in and out of the weight loss mode and into maintenance, weight loss, maintenance, repeat, repeat, repeat, until our bodies gets that this is our new size.

Yogurt is a food that I found problematic. For some reason I deemed yogurt a food I could break rules with and I ate yogurt more frequently in a week than allowed. I ate it alone. I made desserts with yogurt too. No overeating yogurt. Only eat yogurt with protein. No snacking. No deserts. Follow these rules and avoid causing a plateau. Break them and you hit a plateau. It's that simple.

08/09/15 update on yogurt
Julie has always said to go by only what you heard from her, however at the refresher I went to a few weeks ago she made an exception: the yogurt brand she recommended has changed and now includes ingredients that triggers food cravings. She no longer recommends that brand. She says we can buy any brand of plain yogurt - no vanilla or any flavor at all.

It's essential to balance your meat-to-veggie ratio. Do you recall the metaphor about army men or piranhas? Regardless of which analogy you relate to, or if you don't relate or remember either, know this:
  • It's all about about balancing your insulin. 
  • All carbs, including veggies, spark insulin production. 
  • The only thing that balances insulin, is protein. 
The foods I mention here were my trouble areas, but you may have others. What are they? Stop eating them now!

The other thing is we must do is move. Are you walking or doing some form of exercise on a regular basis? If you aren't exercising, this may be a big reason for a plateau. Without enough physical activity, the fat will not leave your body. Find a form of exercise that you can do and start today.

You can do this! You can reach your goal size. Figure out your trouble areas and eliminate them. Many of us call this "eating clean." No grey areas, besides this program doesn't have grey areas. You're either on program or you're off. There is no third option.
This statement is so true for all of us on this journey: Don't wait until you've reached your goal to be proud of yourself. Be proud of every step you take toward reaching your goal.
Be proud today! - Photo by Theresa
Be proud of every single step and every single choice you make to stay on this program.

Be proud every time you look in the mirror.

Be proud every day, every week, every month, and every year that you stay in the river (on program).

Be proud when you realize another non-scale victory, such as no longer needing a seat belt extension on airplanes, crossing your legs for the first time in eons...

Be proud when you see victory: your goal size.

Be proud as you play the game of maintenance--learning how to cycle in and out of the river.

Be proud.
One year ago today, I began a journey that  changed my life in ways I couldn't even have dreamed of. I walked into Key Hypnosis and met Julie Ann Kibe. Get rid of all your preconceived notions of hypnosis, because this was nothing like that. She just talked and talked, and while my ears heard normal conversation, somehow my mind and body heard more--they heard how to heal. Somehow, in a room full of people, she dismantled the giant roadblock in my mind, that had made me morbidly obese for over 20 years.
July 2013 vs July 2014
I don't know exactly how much I've lost so far, as no scales are allowed... over a hundred pounds would be my guess...but I don't care what I've lost. I care what I've gained. I've gained my life back. I now love my body, flaws and all. I don't care if parts sag, or are too big or too small. I take pride in the strength I'm discovering in it. I giggle that I'm now able to cross my legs. I smile when I carry four bags of groceries up a flight of stairs, and I'm not out of breath at the top. I still hate long walks, and I may have grumbled all the way through last week's 5k walk/run, but I entered it, and I completed it.

My husband, family, and friends all tell me that the biggest change is not my outside, but my inside. One year later, I now try new things. I dare to excel. I've gotten a promotion. I've bought a house. I've traveled on a plane. My anxiety attacks have subsided from a freight train roaring through my body five evenings a week, to an occasional anxious twinge. My size has gone from 32 jeans that I couldn't zip, to a tight but zip-able 18 jean.

A few months back, I had the opportunity to thank Julie in person. I'm paraphrasing, but this is the gist of what she said. She humbly equated it to her being the person running behind us, holding on to our bike seat, while we learn how to steer and pedal. She said that once we have our balance, she lets go, and off we race on our own. That may be how she looks at it, but in my mind, this woman saved my life. I've heard people say $600 is too much money to spend on a "weight loss" program. For what I've gained from this, $6,000 would be a bargain. Thank you, Julie. You gave me my life back.

All my life, my weight has kept me from doing stuff.

I have a friend who has followed me on my journey and is one of my cheerleaders. She is one who keeps encouraging me, and tries to help me see the new me.

She has been trying to get me to go kayaking.

NO WAY!!! I won't fit in the kayak, I will sink it, I am afraid I can't get in and out of the thing, and so on.

Joann persisted and on Tuesday I gave in and went.

The whole way to the lake I had a stomach ache, and all those negative thoughts kept running through my mind.

I met Joann at the lake and she knew right away what I was thinking.

I didn't want to disappoint her so I was brave while voicing my concerns.

I stared that ole kayak down and decided that those old thoughts were not going to get the best of me.

Cautiously, I got in. I am sure if anyone besides Joann had been there, they would have laughed at my un-gracefulness, but I got in!

I realized I did fit, PLUS I had room to spare!!! Imagine that!

I took it slow, getting used to the feeling. Once I was comfortable off we went around Crystal Lake. Slow and steady, talking and enjoying the wonderful day!

I can not believe I did it!!! When I think back to all the things my weight kept me from doing as my children were growing up, I could just cry. My weight held me back from so much...

Julie, I am forever grateful to you for giving me my life!!

I may not go skydiving, or bungee jumping or even ride a rollercoaster. I am not that brave, but the wonderful thing to me is, that if I wanted to, I could. I would fit! I wouldn't sink anything! I wouldn't get stuck in anything!! I wouldn't break anything!!!

That is BIG!!!! REally BIG for me!!!!

I did it!!! I did it!!!!
We make a lot of decisions about food on this program. How many times have you stopped for a moment to ask yourself: Should I eat this? Or: Can I eat this? Or contemplated over: Just this once? The choices we make in those moments accumulate and ultimately make a large contribution to our success. There are other decisions that factor into this equation, such as how we see and think about ourselves and our bodies.
My choices took me from here to here.
My success on this journey is a directly correlation of the decisions I've made at key moments.

There were many moments when I paused to consider my decision.

Moments when I was involved in an activity and I paused and said to myself "I can't do this," and then I pushed past my fear and just did it.

Moments when I jumped into an activity without a moments hesitation.

Moments when I jumped into an activity without hesitation only to discover "oh, I really can't do this!"

The further along I am this path, the less time I spend thinking about my food choices. Eating this way is embedded in my life. None of these decisions are hard. Sometimes a food calls out to me and I may pause for a moment, but the moment passes and my journey continues.

Sometimes choosing to do a physically challenging activity is hard for me. I had a three-week-moment of debating about going with a group on a difficult hike. After changing my mind several times, I chose not to go. It's good to know your limitations. Mine include a 10 hour hike with no bathrooms. (It's a funny story and I promise to post it sometime.)

My weight loss journey is about more than losing weight. It's also about challenging myself to push beyond my old boundaries, beyond my old ways of thinking, and to stop thinking of myself as an obese woman: I am not an obese woman anymore.

It's about choosing to stay on program when those moments of temptation arise. The accumulation of my choices, what to eat and what activities to participate in, are what helped transform me from a size 30/32 to where I am today.

A moments decision can make or break you on this journey. Choose wisely. Stay the course.
Red Dress Run/Walk in Hartford 07/12/14
Before publishing this post, I toggled over to my email and saw this message from Linda:
In 20 minutes I am about to do something I have never done in my life!! I wouldn't have fit, number 1, I would have sunk it, number 2. I am going kayaking. I am scared, as the mean girl is still telling me that stuff. BUT, I am going to do it. 
Now that's what I'm talking about! You go Linda! Go push your limits and go have an incredible time!
Meet Donna. Donna reminded me what it was like when I was too a newbie. As I read her story, I filled with excitement for her, for me, and for you. She tells your story and mine. The wait list. The wondering if this will really work. The undeniable changes in our bodies. The startling new ways we start to see and think about food. The uncharted road ahead.
Uncharted road. Photo by Theresa
Donna posted this comment on Plateau Strategy and I instantly knew her story had to be brought to the surface so none of you would miss it.
I am a relative newbie ... having begun my journey to a new me on June 10th. I have completed my three sessions and I am so totally blown away by how my life has changed in four short weeks.

First of all, I will acknowledge that I do realize that everyone's experience is different. I can only comment on mine. I am astounded by how this whole thing works. I am an adult, life-long dieter. Gain weight ... go on a diet, lose weight ... gain it back with a little more, repeat. Tried every diet out there and was just about ready to admit I was going to be overweight FOREVER.

A very overweight friend told me about Julie's program, and I was intrigued. Could this work for me? All it took me was overnight to decide, why not give it a try. So I checked out Julie's website, was shocked and horrified to learn I would be on a waiting list for up to six months. OMG, I am so ready NOW! Please!

But, I used that time to read this blog, and pray that this would work for me too! As I said I have tried every diet program and, as with most diets (as Julie explains), you should find success, but when you plateau and then begin to gain again all hope is lost. So you try another, and then another and so on.

So here is my experience after four weeks, and I will continue to post as I go through the next weeks and months and maybe even years!
In answer to two of the four questions that Julie asks, I would like to lose 70 pounds and be a size 8.

Well, after my first session, until this very moment as I write this, I have had no cravings for anything that I should not eat. I have had no trouble controlling what I eat and the quantity that I eat. And I keep repeating the mantra "eat when you're hungry, not when you're not" to myself. Can't get it out of my head. Pretty cool, eh?

That being said, I wish I could say that I have dropped a size or two. But, in pants anyway that is not the case. I have lost significant inches in my midriff area though, and consequently feel as though I am making progress. Have dropped a size in tops ... YEAH! I do feel trimmer, does that makes sense? Very encouraged.

We had a huge family 4th of July party that I did worry about. What would I eat, how could I not have alcohol? Well, I survived! I had a burger, steak tips and corn on the cob and was as happy as a clam. Stayed away from desserts, not even tempted to try them. Not tempted to try anything I know I should not be putting in my mouth.

Speaking of burgers ... I will share a burger suggestion that I tried recently that was so darn good, I could eat them every day. I sauteed baby spinach and mushrooms with garlic and a little olive oil. I made two very thin hamburger patties, put the spinach/mushroom mixture in the center; patted the edges to seal it and grill. OMG, so good. Really try it, yummy.

Well, that is it for now. I am so very grateful for this blog. It is so nice to see how everyone else is doing and get recipes and incentive.

-- Donna
Congratulations Donna - your life is about to change in ways you can't even imagine. The fact that you're only four weeks in and you can see and feel changes is worth celebrating.

As you drop weight, you may find it doesn't come off the way you expected. Weight comes off in it's own way and in funny places - like your feet. Who knew your shoe size could get smaller? And the hips, oh the hips! They seem to be the last to go, but stay the course and they will.

One morning you put your ring on your finger and it slides right off.

Another morning you look in the mirror and the face looking back at you will be transformed. Perhaps you remember that face, perhaps it's new to you.

You won't always be able to see the changes, but know they are happening. Take photos on a regular basis to help you see changes you won't see in a mirror.

Sometimes the weight loss slows down and you plateau for a while. This is part of the journey for many of us, as our body pauses to heal. The plateau will pass and your weight will drop once again.

I look forward to hearing more from you on your journey. Thanks for the recipe too!