Once in a while perfection happens and when it does - for a brief moment - all is well in the universe. I had such a moment today while eating a warm hard-boiled egg. After taking a second bite of my egg, I realized I was holding the most perfect hard-boiled egg I've ever cooked. I've had moments like this on my key weight loss journey. I suspect you have too.

Perfection comes in mysterious ways, even in hard-boiled egg. Photo by Theresa

Yesterday was a perfect day. I didn't plan for a perfect day, but as my day unfolded, I accomplished the small goals I set out for myself and there was even room for spontaneity. Looking back, I contribute my "success" to keeping things simple. I stayed out of overwhelm, which is easy as long as I refrain from multitasking, and I stayed focused on my goals for the day. Oh, and I stayed on program: I ate clean and I exercised!

Perfection? Yes! Does this happen every day? No.

Two days ago I didn't meet my daily goal of  walking 10,000 steps. I had good intentions, but I didn't see them through, so I fell short. Perfection? No, but I am still moving toward my goal size because I continue to choose to exercise. I let go of my perfection expectations and I accept that some days I'm not going to meet my daily walking goal.

The spontaneous event that happened yesterday: I said yes to an opportunity to walk just ten minutes after getting home from walking with a key-friend. Consequently I walked over 17,000 steps yesterday. I wasn't making up for the day before, I walked extra steps because of a spontaneous invite and because it was fun.

Perfectionism is not in the equation when it comes to food. Life is imperfect, but I get to choose what foods I eat. When I choose to ignore the rules, such as cheese is a condiment or that there are limits with yogurt, I am making a choice to postpone reaching my goal size.

The key weight loss program is about lifestyle changes, it's not about perfection. When we fall short of our program goals, we have the choice to keep moving forward or not.

Let go of perfection. Let go of mistakes and stay the course. Live your best life by choosing to:

• stay on program
• exercise
• learn maintenance

August 26, 2014

A key friend asked this question today: which is harder: losing or maintaining? Hard is what I felt about going to college at age 37, but I did it anyway. In a cartoon class I took a few years ago, I looked around at how well others were drawing and I said to myself "this is really hard," but I did it anyway. In following this program, hard should not be a part of the equation.

Cartoon by Theresa

It may be hard to get back into the river, but if we don't get go off program this isn't an issue - so stay in the river! Take out the hard part of your equation and stay on program.  Besides, going on and off-program is not part of this program. Once and done as Julie says. Lose your weight once and be done.

When I hear myself saying how hard this program is - I know I'm in trouble. One of two things are going on when I'm thinking how hard this is: I'm in my head too much or I'm eating something off-program.

If I'm in my head too much, it means I'm not trusting my body enough. When I constantly think about what to do to stay on program, I stop and ask myself: am I eating something I shouldn't be?

About a year into this program, I discovered that sometimes I was over thinking this program and when I did this I often used the word hard. One day while talking with another key friend about how hard this is, I realized something wasn't right. This program wasn't hard before, so what's different now that it feels so hard? I decided to review what I was eating and sure enough I found I was eating something not on program. Something that I hadn't been eating before, but somehow thought I could eat. I immediately stopped eating that food and that took hard out the equation.

Just this week I discovered something that was hard for me: giving up yogurt. I'm taking it out of the equation. I loved my Siggi's, but I'm giving it up now that I understand:

Yogurt is to be eaten the same way as vegetables: always with a with big chunk of meat.

I've been eating yogurt immediately after my dinner and I can't imagine eating yogurt along with my meal, so I'm giving it up. I don't know why I didn't understand this concept sooner, but I'm telling my little mean girl to hush, what's done is done. I'm moving forward, as I can't change the past.

I'm also giving up yogurt because a part of me doesn't want to give it up. But the biggest reason I'm giving up yogurt:

If you feel you are losing slowly or on a plateau, you should not eat yogurt.

Tap, tap, tap. I'm pushing away the cravings to have this treat because my desire to reach my goal far outweighs my desire to treat myself to yogurt. Besides, yogurt isn't meant to be a treat.

Back to the question, which is harder: losing weight or maintenance, I say take the question out of the equation and find the source of what feels so hard. 

If you're obsessing or thinking about how hard weight loss or maintenance is, perhaps you need to stop and ask yourself: what's that really all about? Is it possible that what's really hard is pushing past your fears and trusting that your body knows what to do to lose weight and maintain your goal size?

Tap, tap, tap. I'm pushing away the fears of how hard maintenance might be, because on the other side of maintenance is where I want to be. Whatever I have to face to get there will be worth it.

I'm never going back to the size I was when I drew this cartoon!

Cartoon of myself when I was a size 30/32. Cartoon and photo by Theresa.

August 20, 2014

In today's post, PJ writes about the profound effect Julie's program had on how PJ sees and defines herself. Many of you reading her story will resonate with much of PJ's experience. Like many of us on this program, this time feels different for her. Her journey begins with gastric bypass surgery and ends at her goal size on maintenance with Julie's program.

2003 – Size 30/32                     2014 – Size 10

Shame Resilience

As a woman struggling with many emotional issues surrounding weight, I feel that my experience with the Key program and Julie has triggered a monumental shift in how I see myself. I have been interested in the subject of identity (who we believe we are, how we see ourselves) and the relationship between identity and feelings of shame since reading Brené Brown’s books, The Gifts of Imperfection and The Power of Vulnerability. As a doctoral student, I have written about and studied issues surrounding shame, especially in terms of developing shame resilience – how do we overcome views of ourselves which lead to feelings of shame, changing the old scripts which we play over and over when it comes to the many issues surrounding weight and eating.

After reading a post on Facebook regarding shameful feelings related to making poor choices, I wanted to share my experience and how I have come to understand my journey.

In terms of looking at issues surrounding eating, including what I eat and why, Julie had a most profound effect on me in relation to my beliefs about who I am – how I see myself and define myself. My struggle has been a long one, as most of you can relate to, but this time feels very different for me.

In 2003 I had gastric bypass surgery and went from a size 30/32 down to a 10 over the course of 18 months or so. It was a great time for me, but then bad habits crept back in and my weight started to increase after 5 years of success. I kept trying to get things under control, but nothing was working – juice fasts, high protein/low carb, intense exercise.

Finally, as I watched a friend succeed with Julie’s program, I decided to give it a try – it couldn’t be more drastic than surgery! By the summer of 2013 I had rebounded to a size 16 and was extremely fearful of not being able to stop, ending up even heavier than I was in 2003.

I am not sure exactly what happened through the hypnosis portion, but I feel like a different person with a better understanding of how my body works and a connection to my inner spirit. My personal identity (who I believe I am) shifted. The only way I can explain the difference is through the use of a picture.

2003 – Prior to Gastric Bypass Surgery (33 years old) – Size 30/32

This is a picture of me at my highest weight prior to my surgery – I was traveling through Scotland and took painkillers every day just to be able to walk to enjoy my trip. Before seeing Julie, I never would have shared this picture as I still felt like “that” person and experienced immense shame in being “her.” Now, I don’t feel like the same person and I don’t experience shame when I look at that picture. While I don’t understand exactly what shifted, I do understand how shame works and can make an educated guess.

Shame results from a negative self-evaluation about who we believe we are – our identity as an individual (as opposed to guilt which arises from a negative evaluation of a behavior – not tied to our identity).

So I would see my obese self and it would trigger all those negative self-evaluations – lazy, undisciplined, and stupid. While I understand at a cognitive level that I am none of those, these feelings would arise anyway. (Really, how can I complete a 30 day juice fast and still believe I am undisciplined?)

Brené Brown identifies specific ways to build a resilience to shame, including developing a level of critical awareness about your identities (we all have multiple identities), where they come from and how they are affecting you.

I think that through Julie’s guidance, I was able to develop a level of awareness about my identity tied to weight, which was linked to societal views of overweight people as well as my experiences in my family. The awareness, I think, comes from learning to listen to our bodies (I think of this as my inner spirit), not all of the information coming from society and our experiences with our families. Somehow I was able to let go of those external views and give my inner spirit a higher priority in defining my identity related to weight – which is now centered on healing and balance, not command and control.

Developing shame resilience can be a powerful tool in overcoming negative self-perceptions.

I have spent a lot of time reflecting and thinking about the major changes beyond what we are eating when we are in the river – letting go of the numbers (calories, nutrition information, weight), which are externally imposed upon us, and learning to listen to our bodies.

I think opening up communication between the subconscious and conscious allowed me to not only become critically aware of the external pressures regarding weight/size, but let go of them, taking their power away. I work with these ideas regularly, using meditation to reflect and develop self-compassion.

My final thought is to let go of those expectations and pressures which are harmful and causing unwarranted shame. Listen to your body and follow your energy which will guide you in healing – not just your body but your spirit as well.

PJ 

2005 – 18 Months after Surgery (PJ with her sister) – Size 10/12

2013 – 10 Years after Surgery – Size 16

2014 – 7 Months after Julie (44th Birthday) – Size 10

August 14, 2014

Losing weight has helped me overcome a number of fears. But what about looking ahead? What fears arise when I look ahead in my life and all I can see is empty space? I've been working on this piece for a few months. Over time I added and deleted stories about how losing weight has helped me overcome fears, but the piece didn't feel finished. A recent life transition has given me the final piece to this story.

Photo by Theresa

The one thing about empty spaces--their very existence seems to send a message that you are ready for something new to arrive. - Martha Johnson Why Not Do What You Love

The Ice

Last winter I was walking on ice when suddenly I realized I was walking really fast--on ice. Walking on ice was a big challenge for me when I was a size 30/32. One freezing cold January day, more than a decade ago, I stood frozen in the middle of a hill on a side road. I was literally frozen. I could not move. The road was solid ice and I was afraid to move. No--I wasn't afraid to move--I was afraid of falling. I was afraid I would fall and not be able to get up. I couldn't budge an inch. Suddenly a man appeared out of nowhere, offered me his arm, and escorted me to the other side of the road where the ground was flatter and the snow was softer. He disappeared as quickly as he appeared and I never saw him again.

It's a great feeling no longer fearing that I will fall. I don't know when this change happened, but it was a great discovery to realize I have one less fear in my life.

Long Pond, Richmond, RI.

The Hike

At the end of May a couple of friends invited me to join them on an 8 hour 7 1/2 mile hike. My only hesitation was a project deadline a few days before the hike. Not wanting to make a promise I wasn't sure I could keep, I told them that I couldn't commit until the week of the hike. Meanwhile, I asked for more details about the hike and that's when fear hit me. There was a long list of details, but the first two freaked me out:

• Waterproof hiking boots or trail shoes REQUIRED!
• You will need to be reasonably fit to enjoy this hike. That said, if you engage in a normal level of activity, you should be fine. The first mile is very strenuous however.

I'm confident that I'm in the "reasonably fit" category, but I didn't have hiking boots. I told myself, There's no need for me to freak out, I can buy waterproof hiking boots, but what do they mean by strenuous? Slippery trails? Muddy trails? Rocks? I can do this! I told myself. I am not afraid! 

It was not feat that kept me from going to this event. After learning there were no bathrooms on this all day hike, I decided this hike wasn't for me. After seeing this photo a friend took along the hike, I was even happier with my decision.

This snake is a fear I have that I can live with.

The Hill

It was a gorgeous Sunday morning. My friend and I hiked walked about a half mile from the lake house through the neighborhood to the Mohegan Quarry. At the beginning of the trail lots of tails were wagging at the dog park. A few minutes later, the trail took us over a half dozen rocks, where skunk cabbage announced we were crossing through a wetland. We never saw another person after that until we crossed back over the wetland. It was incredible walking the sunlight dappled trails all by ourselves.

I looked up at steep hill we were about to climb and I realized I was hesitating for a moment and then remembered: Oh, I can do this! Sometimes it isn't until I reflect back and realize I just did something that I used to be afraid of doing, but I'm not anymore. This was one of those times. I had to remind myself that I no longer needed to be afraid of going up a hill and that I would be just fine when the time came for me to go back down the hill.

Two hours later, at the foot of that same hill, I turned and looked back up the hill and smiled. I hadn't hesitated for one second about going down that hill. It was only when I reached the bottom that I remembered my earlier hesitation.

It was the memory my body has of such hills that made me hesitate. My body remembers how physically challenging hills used to be for me. Today I look at this photo and ask myself what hill?

The hill. Photo by Theresa

Empty Spaces

My big transition that I mentioned a few weeks ago: I was laid off from my job. I see the empty space (the transition) as an opportunity to dream big and to change my life yet again. I'm not afraid of the empty space. Yes, there are moments when this feels scary, but I tap those fears away the same way I tap (push) away urges for foods that are not on program. Successful methods that work in one area of our lives can be applies to other areas. Tap, tap, tap!

My weight loss journey has prepared me for this transition. I've changed my life in so many ways since starting this program. All those non-scale victories built a strong foundation and not having to deal with all that extra weight is a big bonus.

After more than three years on this program, my autopilot is to set to healthy eating and exercising and that's exactly what I've done through this transition. Not once did I think about meeting up with my old buddies Ben and Jerry or going on an eating binge. Instead I spend my time networking and envisioning my new life.

Seize the moment to step into the unknown and be not afraid.
Photo and quote by Theresa.

What about you? What challenges are going on in your life that your weight loss journey has helped motivated and inspire you to take on? Tap away (push away) your fears, whatever they are, and keep moving forward. You can do this - you can do this program and when your life gets interrupted, you can stay the course because you have this.

All those times that you felt it was "hard" and you pushed through the tough time and stayed the course - those moments can help you push through other challenges you have in life. Tap, tap, tap!

challenges hard hiking non-scale victory push away push away urges tap tap away the scale weight loss weight loss journey

August 12, 2014

Today is my fifth day of not meeting my daily FitBit goals and so I decided it's time for me to start pushing myself physically by committing to run a 5k. I didn't train for any of the events I did this year and consequently I walked more than I ran. I'm ready to start training to run an entire 5k. It's time for me to step up!

My 5k & 10k events from 2011 to 2014

After a race is not one's best moment for a photo, but I'm glad I had these photos taken. These photos represent more than just a moment in time. They provide a visual of my weight loss journey and they serve as visual reminder of how I felt during and after each event: I felt incredible!

There was a time when a five to ten minute walk was too much for me. So the fact that I did those last three events with no training is amazing. Just the same, I wonder if I had trained, what would my time have been and how much better I would have felt had I had pushed myself to the max. Mind you, at the time I was pushing myself as hard as I could, but if I had trained...

I'm not beating myself up here. My average time to finish a 5k has been around 45 minutes, which is far greater than the mere few minutes I used to be able walk. I want to find out what my peak performance is by running an entire 5k.

I'll go online next week and find an event that is far enough out to give me time to run through the full 9 week Couch to 5k program and I'll find a friend to run the 5k with me. I know myself well enough to know I do better when I run with a friend. My biggest reason for not getting in my daily FitBit goal is because my walking buddy is out of town. This is not a good reason, but I'm just telling it like it is.

The good news is that my walking buddy is back next week, so no more excuses. The other good news is that I plan to do my four mile morning walk with my friend (five days a week) and run three days a week. This is stepping up!

What about you? Are you ready to step up your fitness program? You don't have to run a 5k, but you do need to exercise to help your weight loss progress and to allow yourself to be as healthy as you can!

So come on - step up!

August 08, 2014

I've asked myself this question many times since I started this weight loss program: what's your rush? The simple truth is: I'm not a fast loser. I've set weight loss goals for myself, but I've come to realize a timeline that I create does not work on this program. Besides, this isn't a race, so what's the rush?

What's your rush - this isn't a race!

I want to be at my goal size, but I'm not there yet. I accept where I am today, a size 14/16, which is far from the size 30/32 that I was three and a half years ago. What slows down my weight loss? Plateaus. Plateaus are part of the weight loss journey, as this is the body's way of healing.

When I experience a plateau, I take time to pause and review the foods I'm eating, to check in with myself and see if there are foods I need to eliminate. I may have "gotten away" with eating high fat foods or  too much cheese when I was a size 30/32, but I didn't really get away with anything. Instead, I slowed down my weight loss and often put myself on a plateau. When I eliminate foods that I was eating too much of or too often, or OMG foods are inappropriate, my weight starts dropping again. Yes, there have been a few times that I discovered I was eating foods that are not on program. For example, I was eating dried green beans for a whole summer only to be reminded "no dried foods."

What about you? Is it possible you're eating foods that are not on program? I encourage you to take an honest look at what you're eating. Two easy targets: cheese and fats, but there are a few other areas to review.

Are you treating cheese like a condiment? If not, your body will hold onto the weight no matter what else you do. Many of us take time off from eating cheese. Consider not having cheese for a month. Does this idea freak you out? All the more reason to do this. If someone said, don't use parsley for a month, would you freak out? It's a condiment. We can live without condiments, including cheese.

Are you mindful of how much fat you eat? Here's what's important to understand about fat:

• If you take in too much fat, the body stores it, which is something you do not want to happen.
• When you eat protein, it takes an equal amount of fat from the body (yeah). 
• If you aren't consuming much fat, the body takes the fat from fat it previous stored, which will result in weight loss (yeah). 
• Consume too much fat and you quickly deplete the protein deposits you made and the new fat will then be stored as fat on the body (oh no).

Think about giving up or cutting back on cheese and fat as preparation for maintenance - when we will add new foods and then take them away as we learn to cycle in and out of the weight loss mode and into maintenance, weight loss, maintenance, repeat, repeat, repeat, until our bodies gets that this is our new size.

Yogurt is a food that I found problematic. For some reason I deemed yogurt a food I could break rules with and I ate yogurt more frequently in a week than allowed. I ate it alone. I made desserts with yogurt too. No overeating yogurt. Only eat yogurt with protein. No snacking. No deserts. Follow these rules and avoid causing a plateau. Break them and you hit a plateau. It's that simple.

08/09/15 update on yogurt
Julie has always said to go by only what you heard from her, however at the refresher I went to a few weeks ago she made an exception: the yogurt brand she recommended has changed and now includes ingredients that triggers food cravings. She no longer recommends that brand. She says we can buy any brand of plain yogurt - no vanilla or any flavor at all.

It's essential to balance your meat-to-veggie ratio. Do you recall the metaphor about army men or piranhas? Regardless of which analogy you relate to, or if you don't relate or remember either, know this:

• It's all about about balancing your insulin. 
• All carbs, including veggies, spark insulin production. 
• The only thing that balances insulin, is protein. 

The foods I mention here were my trouble areas, but you may have others. What are they? Stop eating them now!

The other thing is we must do is move. Are you walking or doing some form of exercise on a regular basis? If you aren't exercising, this may be a big reason for a plateau. Without enough physical activity, the fat will not leave your body. Find a form of exercise that you can do and start today.

You can do this! You can reach your goal size. Figure out your trouble areas and eliminate them. Many of us call this "eating clean." No grey areas, besides this program doesn't have grey areas. You're either on program or you're off. There is no third option.

August 07, 2014

This statement is so true for all of us on this journey: Don't wait until you've reached your goal to be proud of yourself. Be proud of every step you take toward reaching your goal.

Be proud today! - Photo by Theresa

Be proud of every single step and every single choice you make to stay on this program.

Be proud every time you look in the mirror.

Be proud every day, every week, every month, and every year that you stay in the river (on program).

Be proud when you realize another non-scale victory, such as no longer needing a seat belt extension on airplanes, crossing your legs for the first time in eons...

Be proud when you see victory: your goal size.

Be proud as you play the game of maintenance--learning how to cycle in and out of the river.

Be proud.

July 27, 2014

One year ago today, I began a journey that  changed my life in ways I couldn't even have dreamed of. I walked into Key Hypnosis and met Julie Ann Kibe. Get rid of all your preconceived notions of hypnosis, because this was nothing like that. She just talked and talked, and while my ears heard normal conversation, somehow my mind and body heard more--they heard how to heal. Somehow, in a room full of people, she dismantled the giant roadblock in my mind, that had made me morbidly obese for over 20 years.

July 2013 vs July 2014

I don't know exactly how much I've lost so far, as no scales are allowed... over a hundred pounds would be my guess...but I don't care what I've lost. I care what I've gained. I've gained my life back. I now love my body, flaws and all. I don't care if parts sag, or are too big or too small. I take pride in the strength I'm discovering in it. I giggle that I'm now able to cross my legs. I smile when I carry four bags of groceries up a flight of stairs, and I'm not out of breath at the top. I still hate long walks, and I may have grumbled all the way through last week's 5k walk/run, but I entered it, and I completed it.

My husband, family, and friends all tell me that the biggest change is not my outside, but my inside. One year later, I now try new things. I dare to excel. I've gotten a promotion. I've bought a house. I've traveled on a plane. My anxiety attacks have subsided from a freight train roaring through my body five evenings a week, to an occasional anxious twinge. My size has gone from 32 jeans that I couldn't zip, to a tight but zip-able 18 jean.

A few months back, I had the opportunity to thank Julie in person. I'm paraphrasing, but this is the gist of what she said. She humbly equated it to her being the person running behind us, holding on to our bike seat, while we learn how to steer and pedal. She said that once we have our balance, she lets go, and off we race on our own. That may be how she looks at it, but in my mind, this woman saved my life. I've heard people say $600 is too much money to spend on a "weight loss" program. For what I've gained from this, $6,000 would be a bargain. Thank you, Julie. You gave me my life back.

July 20, 2014