Recently I was involved in a thread of conversation about maintenance. Usually I stay out of these kinds of conversations, as I'm not in the maintenance phase yet. But I will be there soon enough, so this time I leaned in to hear the questions and concerns of my friends who are on maintenance. As I listened, it occurred to me that even in maintenance, we must continue to trust the process of this program.
At our goal size, will we still ask "do I look fat in this photo?"
One woman said she just wants to get through learning how to maintain her weight, to be done with the phase of gaining and losing weight, she just wants to be done with this phase. Others said they sometimes struggle with this too.

This sounded familiar to me. I have said this about my weight loss journey. I have often thought "I just want to be done" with the weight loss and be at my goal size. "How long is this going to take?" I wondered and sighed, "I just want to be at my goal size." It will take as long as it takes and spending time on these thoughts doesn't change anything. I tap away these kinds of thoughts, which, if one isn't careful, can become an obsession. When these thoughts arise again, I remind myself this is part of my journey and I tap them away.

What if we treat the maintenance phase of our journey the same way? What if we accept the urge to rush through a phase, be it the weight loss or maintenance phase, as part of our process. What if we tap away those thoughts to rush through this phase?

Questions, doubts, fears - these were part of the journey even before you arrived to where you are today. Why should this be any different now? I imagine maintenance to be the final frontier. The final phase of self-doubt. The phase where we (get to) let go of our self-doubt and negative thoughts. The phase where we learn what once and done really means.

Learning maintenance will take as long as it takes, just as taking the weight off did: at various time frames for everyone. Visualize this to be your truth: you will learn maintenance and one day you will own it.

A day will come for each of us when we will say "I got this" and our doubts, our fears, and our obsessions (which we all have to work out for ourselves) will be behind us. Trust the process that this too will be your truth.

If we trust this process, we only have to do this once and then we're done. If you are at maintenance, you have done everything you learned, you have reached your goal size, so trust the process that you will learn how to maintain your goal size--in the same way you learned to take off your weight. If you are in the weight loss phase, trust that you too will reach your goal.

Julie suggests we visualize ourselves at our goal size - this is part of the process. Apply the same to maintenance: visualize yourself maintaining your goal size for the rest of you life. Visualize: once and done.

Trust the process.
June 15, 2013
This is the first week of a six week mini triathlon challenge that I'm doing at work. I did this last year and it was a great way to encourage me to keep exercising no matter what, because I want to reach my goal for the challenge
Stationary bike workout summary day 1.
My work-out buddy Aime and I are kicking it up this year going for the gold, which means in the next six weeks we will each do a total of:
  • Run/Walk: 26 miles
  • Bike: 112 miles
  • Swim: 2.5
It's almost the end of week one and I feel like I'm already behind schedule, but I'm determined to get a gold medal this year. The "prize" isn't the point. I don't even know if there is a prize. The point is it's summer and it's time to challenge ourselves physically.

Three days in and I found myself already grumbling: Swimming is the hard part...getting my hair wet and then going back to the office...there will be some lunches I can't get to the pool...blah, blah, blah. I getting out of my own way and just do this. No excuses! Make it happen. Get it done. Hooha.

In one of the first three session I went to, I remember Julie telling someone "if you don't exercise, it's going to take you a really long time to lose the weight."

What about you? Are you ready to set a challenge for yourself? Is there someone who will join you for X number of weeks to either help you (and them) get moving and stay committed? Anyone with a dog who you can volunteer to walk?

If you haven't done any exercise, set a specific amount of time to walk in one direction and then turn around. If 5 minutes is all you can do - start there. One has to start where they are. If you're already exercising, is it time to add other types of exercise to your routine?

It's summer folks - get outside and start moving.
June 14, 2013
Today's hero story is from Jill. I met Jill in July of 2012 when she was just a newbie to the program, when a few key friends decided to meet up (see photo of that gathering below).  Jill has come a long way in the year since she started her journey. She's one of my heroes. Here's her story...
Jill in April 2012 (left) in June 2013 (right)
Jill
Started: June 8, 2012
Current size: 8 and working to reach my goal size 6 soon!
Largest size: 18/20W and 1X-2X
This is Jill when I first met her (07/27/12) - wearing purple on right.
A few years ago my mother told me about a friend of hers that had lost all this weight with hypnosis. I filed that information away with all the other self-help advice and didn’t give it much thought. Months later my boss was noticeably losing weight and when I asked her about it, once again hypnosis came up. When I figured out that my mother and my boss were talking about the same person, my interest was piqued and I made the call. Finally, this very kind hygienist told me about her weight loss and of course, she also went to Julie. I’ll never forget her big eyes behind her mask expressively telling me to drop everything and see Julie when I got the call. We all ask for signs or maybe ask a higher power for help. Was I waiting for a choir or neon sign? Meeting Jennifer helped me to know I had made the right choice. I truly feel I was guided to Julie’s door.
May 2012 - size 18/20W
If you graphed my weight gains and losses over the years it would look like a very bad stock market report. I gained and lost weight in college. I gained weight when I started working, then I lost it before I got married. I had two children and gained and gained. I lost significant weight after my second daughter was born only to gain it back and more. My last attempt was around the time my husband turned 40 as I was hosting a huge party for him. Of course I lost it for the event and then gained back more than ever. Waving my white flag of defeat, never wanting to diet again, I’ve spent the last 5 years well over 200 pounds. Feeling unable and uninterested in failing yet again I settled in to my world of 18W and 1X-2X clothes. To make things worse, I know I gained about 20 pounds eating all those “last suppers” during the 5 months while I was waiting to see Julie. I had become a mess.

I saw Julie on June 8, 2012. I was very nervous and really felt like this was my last chance. At 44, I was tired of decades of yo-yo dieting. I was tired of wasting hard-earned money on diet programs and even therapy. I had convinced myself that I’d always be an emotional eater. How could this woman in West Springfield know more about me than I already did? Eventually, I told the mean voice in my head to shut up and I went into the session with an open mind. I enjoyed the sessions with Julie and feverishly scribbled down everything I could remember about the eating plan that first night. How could I go forward without lists and papers? I had a lot of deep-rooted connections with food and the early months after the 3 initial sessions were not as easy for me as others. We went on a family vacation about 2 months after I started and I felt deprived that everyone else was eating ice cream and having snacks. I remember Julie saying not to feel this way, but I often allowed myself to wallow. It truly took me this full year of experiencing all the vacations, holidays and social events to understand that I did not die without those foods. I survived my summer vacation and started getting a better attitude.
August 2012 - size 15W and XL top
I felt like Julie was helping me with the bread and pasta cravings right away, but I still wanted the junk food. Unbelievably, I have not strayed from the program, but I can’t count how many times I was close during those first 6 months. I made it through my birthday in October without cake and Christmas without cookies. I would have never believed those events could exist without sugar. But just like after the Grinch stole all the goodies from the Who’s, life went on without treats!
December 2012 - size 14
Then there was a long and cold winter. My body was very happy right where it was and I accepted a plateau of about 3 months. I had asked Julie to be a size 12 and I had surpassed that!
January 2013 - size 12 (left)  early February 2013 - size 10
Everyone was so kind to me and I was going through clothes sizes like crazy. I understood this way of eating so much better by now, but still struggled with wanting to go back to old habits and old foods. Trying to push it away like Julie taught us helps and I try so hard to remember that nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

These are my latest pictures, which prove that this life-changing way of eating and looking at food truly does work. I am grateful to have met Julie and all the people I have found on support websites.  I am more energetic, optimistic and so much happier than I was a year ago. This week is my one year “Julieversary” and I hope this was informative to anyone who is considering the program or living one day at time on the road to food freedom.
May 2013 - size 8
Congratulations on your incredible success Jill and thanks for sharing your journey with us.

Read more Hero stories... or share your story - send me an email by clicking on my name (Theresa) on the bottom of the list of contributors in the left column of any page.
June 11, 2013
A few days I posted a blog asking for your stories (Heroes, 6/2/13). Jennifer wrote What's UP? and Trudy wrote A promise. A few others promised to send me their story and photos and I'm patiently waiting for them. Today's hero story is from Elise.
Elise progressive weight loss - Aug. 2012 (left photos)  and May 2013 (right photos)
Elise
June 1, 2013

Started: 8/16/12
Current size: 0/2
Largest size: 16/18

Theresa, I'm flattered and of course you can use it. I don't need it to be anonymous, I'm proud of everything with Julie. I was reading your blog before I went to Julie and have been so inspired by you the whole time. I feel you are a brave, wonderful, mindful, and kind person. So, it really is cool that you're asking this - yay, I get to be on Theresa's blog! Woohoo! 
Elise July 2012
I was a chronic dieter, always trying some new scheme to lose weight. I wasn't overweight in my 20's, cigarette smoking kept my appetite at bay. But after I quit smoking in 2003, I put on 50 pounds and the next decade became a constant yo-yo.  My self-esteem and view of myself became more eroded and negative each time I gained the weight back.

I felt like a failure. I felt ashamed, humiliated, depressed, not feminine, and constantly embarrassed. I avoided social encounters. I wouldn't date. I hated running into people that I hadn't seen in a long time. I felt they were looking at me with the contempt I felt for myself. Intellectually, I knew that it wasn't that bad. I struggled because I am a progressive woman and I did not wish to ascribe to narrow and sexist ideas of what a woman SHOULD look like. I knew many would have considered me very attractive, even at my heaviest. But I could not get past how badly I felt about myself.

Julie not only gave me the gift of being able to lose weight, Julie did something much more significant. She gave me HOPE. She restored my belief that I could be successful and she freed me from the negative and restrictive ways I thought about myself. Because of her powerful hypnotherapy, she liberated my mind in a way that's almost indescribable.

Instead of feeling trapped in patterns where failure is inevitable, I know I have the ability to change my life in whatever way brings me closer to happiness and peace. She changed my life from the inside out. I am so proud of what I've accomplished. I am healthy, happy and most of all I am completely confidant in my ability to continue to be successful. It has truly been life altering in the best way possible.

When I started I was 175 pounds and my measurements were 43-38-44. I was stuffing myself into one pair of pants that were stretchy. They were a size 12 but I was definitely much bigger than that! I remember taking my measurements and then going online to the size guides at Victoria Secret, The Gap, and other stores and they all said I was a 16 or 18. I was horrified.

I took my measurements today. I have taken measurements every month since starting on 8/16/12. I also took pics every month. Here are some interesting observations as I reflect on the past year...

I lost more inches in the past month than in any previous month (with the exception of the first month). This month I lost 3.75 inches (today) as opposed to other months where I lost as little as .75 inches total! Who would've expected that? I would've thought I would lose slower as the process went along.
 
We don't focus on numbers (our weight) on this program, but I have years of records of my measurements (pre-hypnosis I also weighed myself). Based on the comparison of my 2003 records, I can guess how low my weight might be and it feels crazy...surreal. Never thought that would happen! I started at 175 pounds. 

Definitely the trend is that my body parts take turns letting go of weight. One month I won't lose anything from my stomach but the next month I'll lose an inch.

I have lost weight differently than ever before (as in, where I lost and how much). I attribute this to how natural and healthy this process has been as opposed to starving myself and/or doing insane cardio to lose weight.

No one even mentioned my weight loss (to me) until month five. Now, I'm starting to get the "don't lose any more weight" comments. It's month eleven.

I started off at 43-38-44 and am now 35-27-35. According to the What's My Size iPhone app, this means I was about a 16/18 when I started (in reality, I was a 16/18 at my largest) and now I am 0/2 in most common brand names.

My weight loss was slowest in the winter months. I lost a fair amount in the fall, then practically plateaued all winter, then starting losing more in the springtime. Who knows if this is a seasonal thing or if a lot of folks plateau in the middle or maybe a little bit of both...

I have not exercised at all. I have tried to move my ass a little more...like walking the dogs more and stuff...but truthfully I've only done that in little bursts. I have done pretty regular conditioning exercises the past two months for back pain.

As an aside, I have been completely militant the whole time. Bite for bite, meat and veggies. No preservatives, only grass-fed meat in the house and I mix it up as much as possible, never tried to test the limits or find loopholes.

Julie always has and always will have my free will! I was truly at rock bottom, completely hopeless, ashamed and depressed when I went to see her. I feel unbelievably lucky to have been to her. I view this as a complete life overhaul. I never want sugar or white carbs in my life again, I want to stay local and in-season with what I eat, and I really want to have this be Once and Done... I am scared to start maintenance but it's time.

I started with high blood pressure. Now I am off all BP meds. I still have one med for insomnia but that's not related to weight.

Elise June 2013

Read more Hero stories... or share your story - send me an email by clicking on my name (Theresa) on the bottom of the list of contributors in the left column of any page.
June 09, 2013
Success is not measured by how fast you lose weight, or by reaching your goal size, and it's not even about leaning how to maintain that size. It's about going one step further than you've ever gone before: it's about living your life without being food-focused. Success is achieved when we embrace this way of eating as a lifestyle change and we turn our focus to living full lives.
Embrace Change. Photo by Theresa, Ostia Antica, Italy
For many, that kind of success is what we dream of, but have never experienced. There are many who followed this program and are living that dream. The rest of us are on our way. You may know people who follow Julie's program and dropped straight down to their goal size in an amazing short time. There are others whose weight loss journey is not as fast. The transition from our old ways of thinking to a new way seems easier for some than others.

Regardless of how long this journey takes, I've learned from posts to this blog, from others I've talked to, and from my own experience, there are specific issues many struggle with that slow down our weight loss and cause plateaus. Those who don't have these issues or are able to work them out are the most successful.

Let's put a light on these issues so we too can be successful. We all learned the same program, but some of us are resistant to parts of the program. It's that resistance that gets us into trouble. We don't get to pick and choose what parts of the program we want to follow. As we explore these issues, remember that success is measured by embracing change--so we never have to be on the diet merry-go-round again. Remember too that it's never too late to reprogram yourself and evolve your ways of thinking.

Boring Food

This program is a lifestyle change and switching up what we eat is essential. We can't afford to be bored with our foods. Eating the same foods several days in a row or the same meals week after week is not embracing change. Also, our bodies think we are on a diet when we eat the same foods again and again. When our bodies think we're on a diet, the old programming kicks in and our body stores fat.

If you're eating the same foods all the time, it may be time for you to do some reprogramming. Even after two-plus years of following this program, I am doing some reprogramming. I was making the same handful of recipes week after week and this slowed down my weight loss. In the past few months I've been making new recipes and eating foods that are in season.

What about you? Are you eating the same frozen veggies week after week? When is the last time you ate a fresh veggie that was grown in your area? Do you need to tweak your programming?

The Voice in Your Head

Don't allow the voice in your head to label something a problem, instead see it for what it really is: your old way of thinking, which is to resist change. Tap those thoughts away and embrace your desire to change your life forever.

Don't allow the voice in your head to feel sorry for you that you can't eat like everyone else. Don't accept the sympathy of others who feel sorry for you because you can't indulge. Push away those voices too. Take a look around--how healthy are those who indulge? Do you really want to be like them? Embrace your decision to be different. A time will come when those same people will be amazed at your ability to change your life; even if you never hear this from them. You're on an amazing journey - stay the course.

Forget the Numbers

Tap away the urge to get on the scale - success is not measured by the scale. At the doctors tell them again and again that you do not want to know your weight. Say it when you first walk in the door. Say it to each person who greets you. Okay, so the receptionist probably doesn't need to know this, but everyone else does. Ask them to put it on your chart or write it on a piece of paper for them to add to the front of your chart. You have to take charge of this or the medical experts will tell you how much weight you've lost. When you go online to look a your medical information, be aware that your weight is probably somewhere in those records. Ask the doctor's office not to add it to the online medical information, so you don't stumble upon your weight (or go looking for it).

If you do your best and the number is revealed to you, forget the numbers. Don't share the number with anyone, no matter how excited or disappointed you may be. Saying it aloud (or typing it) disturbs your programming. We are programmed not to know the numbers because it messes with our head. Let me repeat: forget the numbers. I don't want to know them either, because it will mess with my head. I'll start thinking "she lost xx in xx months, so I wonder how much I've lost." Then I have to work on forgetting your numbers.

Diets that have us step on the scale, tell our us what our top weight was so we know not only how much weight we lost, but also how much weight to gain after the diet ends. Do you really want to tell your body how much weight to gain? Tap it away. Tap away the urge to know the numbers in the same way you tap away thoughts of having something sweet or something off-program. This program doesn't have a start and end, it evolves. We evolve beyond a number. We evolve beyond being food obsessed.

Eating Clean

I'm not going to name names here, but how much cheese did you eat this week? You know what is too much cheese--it's the opposite of "a little bit of cheese," which is all we're allowed. Give it up folks. I mean this literally. If you can't tap away the urge to eat too much cheese, back off from eating cheese entirely. You can add cheese back when you're confident you will have just "a little bit."

Do you have yogurt more than twice a week? You don't have to eat yogurt ever, but if you do, twice a week is all that's allowed. You aren't having yogurt alone for breakfast or for a snack - are you? You must have meat with yogurt.

After following the program for a long time, Linda decided to look closer at what she was eating. After "eating clean" she started dropping sizes again. She removed things that were blocking her from reaching her goal. She has inspired me to follow her lead.
Meat to Veggie Ratio

Do you always have a balanced meat-to-veggie ratio: bite for bite or less veggie than meat? Make sure you are eating veggies with meat and that you're not eating more veggie than meat.

Are you ignoring vegetables entirely? Don't! Vegetables are full of vitamins and minerals that our bodies need. Are you enjoying tomato juice with an equal amount of meat? Yes, we can have tomato juice, but only with meat!

Eating Out

One of the great things about this program is that we can eat just about anywhere. The key is asking questions. Even places like Wendy's, McDonald's, and Dunkin Donuts will make their sandwiches without bread, we just have to ask. You'll find most restaurants accommodating. I don't tell them I have food allergies, because they then offer all kinds of options that are not on program.I just say it like it is: I don't eat carbs.

Do you have a plan as to what to do if they serve more veggies than meat? If there's too many vegetables on you're plate, you may eat them because that's how your old programming worked. My mom told us to eat everything on our plates, something about kids starving in China, as if eating everything on our plate helped starving kids somewhere else! I order a larger size steak at Outback Steakhouse so that I have enough meat to enjoy their wedge salad and a veggie. If I'm not that hungry, I decline the veggie. Nobody is going to starve because I passed on a vegetable and it's not going to break my bank.

There are restaurants known for adding sugars to their foods, which we can avoid entirely or ask if they can make the dish without adding sugar; sometimes they can and sometimes they can't. Reading the menu online before going to the restaurant helps too. We can have barbecue sauce and catsup, but not foods with gravies or peanut sauce. This is an area you don't have to think about much to know what isn't on program.

Not Enough

What aren't you getting enough of in your life? Are you getting enough protein? Remember - protein sources used to have a face. Cheese and yogurt never had faces and are not considered protein, which is why you must have them with protein. If you're a vegetarian, work with Julie on your protein options, as this is a meat intense program.

Are you getting enough exercise? Are you getting any exercise? Some of us didn't start exercising until several months into the program. We don't all have to run marathons, or run at all, but it's in our DNA to be active. Our bodies are meant to move. If you aren't ready to start exercising today, visualize exercise becoming a part of your life, embrace this aspect even if you can't imagine it to be true today. Begin to visualize the kinds of activities you want to be involved in your life and program/visualize yourself embracing this kind of change.

Are you getting enough sleep? I read an article that said one night of sleep deprivation can put you in fat storing mode. That is not good! I also read that as people drop weight their sleep issues disappear. I don't have sleep issues, but if you do, see a doctor or at least go online to research ways to try and resolve your sleep issues.
June 08, 2013
This hero story is from Trudy...
I feel privileged to be a part of this circle of such caring and successful people. I just wanted to express a heartfelt “Thank YOU”, especially to Theresa, Linda and Jennifer. You continue to inspire me and I am sure I am not the only one.

Thanks to Julie I am finally able to stay on a food plan that I can easily continue indefinitely. I am looking forward to reaching my goal soon. How great will it be (Theresa)? When I was on other "diets" before I used to complain and cheat a lot because I just couldn’t stay on it.

Well, I have no time to waste and I am completely happy to stay on this journey. I am almost a size 12 now, but not quite. The last couple of months were challenging because of a hectic schedule, however, I am back working out in the mornings again and boy, does that feel good and it really makes my day. I tell you, I did get a little flabby and it didn’t take long at all.

This morning we (a friend of mine with her Germany Shepherd and me with my mini Aussie) hiked in the woods before coming to work, tomorrow morning is strength training. I switch my days off between cardio and strength training at least 4 – 5 times a week. My goal today is to be in a comfortable size 12.

However long it takes me, I just keep on going. Even afterwards I will stay on the plan, but on maintenance. Being a comfortable weight and having energy is a great feeling I will NEVER go back. That’s a promise.

Read more Hero stories... or share your story - send me an email by clicking on my name (Theresa) on the bottom of the list of contributors in the left column of any page.
June 06, 2013
This morning I started to think about what my life will like be beyond the weight loss phase and beyond maintenance. How different will my thoughts about food be (less food-focused)? How much energy will I give to my diet (less)? Will I forget all those thoughts that used to consume me and instead just naturally follow what I've learned from this program? Yes, this will be true for me and for you too.
Fresh local veggies in Italy. Photo by Theresa
I enjoy the fact that I no longer think "tomorrow I will start a diet" (or get back in the river) and I no longer wish I could turn the "switch" back on. So, this morning I took a few minutes to ponder what other thoughts will change in my life after I have learned to maintain my goal size. Join me in my quest and visualize what this journey will look like for us further down the road...

How great will it be when we can focus on new goals, no longer focusing on losing or maintaining weight, because we KNOW how to do that; our programming will be complete!

How great will it be a year from now, two years, five years, ten years, when the only comment people make about our weight is how proud they are that we kept it off all those years or they ask us how we manage keep in such great shape.

How great it will be that there will be people in our lives that never knew us overweight.

How great will it be when we embrace the idea that we no longer think about food as we do today (while losing and learning maintenance), when we eat the way Julie taught us as if we were programmed to do so.

How great will it be when we embrace the silence and no longer seek the voice of others validating our success, because that success is ours.

Success is ours every day we stay on program until we "get it" - we only have to do this program once and then we're done. I see others who are there and I am going to be there too!

June 05, 2013
I am writing this blog post in response to Miss Theresa's "Hero's" post from earlier today. I tried to write it as a comment at the bottom of that post, but, it got too long, and wouldn't let me post it! So, I created this new post.
Jennifer May 2011
Started program: June 2, 2011
Starting size: 18-20
Current size: 6
Jennifer (left) July 2011
Boy, did my second year anniversary with Julie quietly approach! No pomp and circumstance like the first year, where you say "HEY! I AM STILL HERE!" I haven't "died" from eating just meat and vegetables, I am still healthy (you know a lot of people look upon us as if we are going to get sick if we do this long enough, or at least that has been my experience.....), and there is quite the rush of remembering the momentous occasion-I DID IT!
Jennifer March 2013 (right) Susan (left) is another hero story we're hoping to see here!
No, the second year just kind of shows up. Like a 3rd wedding anniversary, or a 22nd birthday. At least here it did.

The whole year has been quiet! Not much has been too exciting in my world, as I have settled in to just "living my life." For those of you who don't remember much about me-I started June 2, 2011 with Julie, a size 18-20 with high blood pressure and pre-diabetes, and by December 2011 I was an 8. I thought I would be happy there, but, I needed one more size.

So, I did a refresher with Julie, and by February 2012 I was in a 6-8. More 6 than 8. WooHoo! I had done it! When June 2, 2012 rolled around, I enjoyed my 1 year anniversary-wrote a post on here-did a jig, danced a dance, ate some lobster and steak-said many "thank you, thank you, thank you's" to Julie (I still am!) and my friends and family-especially the new friends that I met through Julie.
Jennifer in the September 22, 2012 Warrior Race
How did a year of eating meat and veggies and the occasional potato or popcorn come and go? How did that happen?!?!?! It seemed to be the FASTEST year of my life!!!!
Jennifer June 2013
NOW WHAT?!?!?!!

The soul searching continues....I am still a work in progress.....what do I want now? Where am I going? How do you stay motivated with eating meat and vegetables???? Is this it? Am I continuing on? Do I want to gain weight and get high blood pressure again? Do I want to eat a Snickers bar? Do I want to eat pancakes???? Am I going to be a statistic and gain all of my weight back???? Do I? Do I? Do I????????

The answer is a resounding NO.......

Year two involved a few more refreshers, all the while continuing to follow Julie's plan-both in the river and a little out of the river with potato and then popcorn. I had a slip up in August 2012 when I went off the deep end with the popcorn and half-and-half in my coffee. Freaked me out. Back to Julie I went, and she set me straight.

Things quieted down after that, much to my relief. Then I decided to see Julie (along with 5 others who I knew through FB or this blog) on April 4th, 2013, a week after having breast reduction surgery; poor girls-they were deflated balloons! (sorry if that is TMI) Because of my new boobs, I decided that I needed to "fit into my size 6's better". With Julie's help, I quietly stepped back into the river, and I have been "doing my thing" since. I decided to spend a year in the river working on "getting rid of old fat", something Julie talked about at my most recent refresher. And I am very happy doing it, I might add! (A new thing with my weight loss came the feeling that I like challenges-setting goals, and then seeing them through. A beginning, a middle, and an end.)

I like being in the river. I know a lot of you have been able to "bend the rules" a bit-I have seen it written here and on the FB page (which I have chosen to step away from) about people "eating something they shouldn't, doing 3 hard days, and being 'just fine': continuing to lose weight, not having cravings, motoring along like nothing happened or changed". I don't trust myself to do that. I did that my whole life, and failed miserably. I know some of you viewed my discussions with those that were able to do so on FB as "being judgmental", but, in my eyes, I was more jealous than anything. How can (fill in the blank) go eat pizza, eat a chocolate bar, whatever, and then do "3 hard days" and carry on like they never stopped meat and veggies?!?!?! Why can't I? WHINE WHINE WHINE!

I apologize to anyone who took my jealousy as being judgmental. That was not my intention. Jealousy is an ugly demon. It springs up and spits words out of my mouth, and then is followed by remorse and regret. I have had to "move on" with those envious thoughts. They don't make anyone healthy, and nothing good comes from them. I am back to worrying more about me in a healthy way, trying to work on me so I can become a better person on this earth, not one who is seen as judgmental or envious. I do not want those adjectives describing me!!!! I have accepted that there are people out there that can jump in and out of the river and have no repercussions. I can't be jealous or envious. That doesn't help you or me. It is what it is! I tip my hat to you! And I apologize again.

I chose to quietly let year number two pass by. I did a little "self-hypnosis" today, shed a little tear, thought back to where I was, and then decided "enough of that". I am going to focus on who I am going to be today, and eventually tomorrow. If any of you see me as a "hero", then I tip my hat to you as well!

We all have many diverse reasons for having seen Julie. Some have done extremely well-I am indeed humbled by them-I am inspired and happy for watching the journeys they have been on. They too are in different stages of  working on  "Now What"?????? If I have somehow helped with my rantings in a positive way, then I am humbled. To me, it's a journey that I haven't minded sharing. Especially if someone takes away a positive feeling and uses it to better themselves.

Recommitting, rejuvenating, relaxing-These are the powerful adjectives that I prefer to keep in my vocabulary now-It has been wonderful working on letting go of the negative words that I used to describe myself with....."dropping the rock" as a friend's of mine with a different addiction expressed once. Happy to let it go. A wonderful reminder of where I was. But, I am happier not carrying it anymore.
Jennifer May 2011 (left) and Dec. 2012 (right)
Here's to year 3!


Read more Hero stories... or share your story - send me an email by clicking on my name (Theresa) on the bottom of the list of contributors in the left column of any page.
June 02, 2013