Things have changed for me this week in a big and unexpected way.

A few weeks ago I looked at my flex spending account and realized I over estimated my projected 2012 medical expenses. I planned to see Julie 10 times and only went four times; what was I thinking? I changed my mind about a $1000 dental expense and I planned to have surgery on my upper arms this year, but I'm too far from my goal size to do that. I needed to spend almost $3,000 by 12/31/12 or, as the IRS regs state I needed to "use it or lose it" What's a girl to do? Lasik vision correction surgery of course!

I had the surgery done on Thursday and spent the weekend recuperating. All went well and I'm loving life without glasses. Well, except now I need to get used to putting glasses on to read (I used to take them off to read), but I will adapt quick enough. Woohoo! I have to wait a few weeks before I can resume wearing makeup; another minor detail.

The pain in my right arm is still present, but it doesn't burn as badly as it did last weekend. Physical therapy helps. I see an orthopedist the end of this week for a diagnosis and will proceed from there. Funny how my arm pain disappeared while having the eye surgery; all energies were focused on the eyes I guess. I knew I was past the surgery stuff when my arm pain returned Friday afternoon!

With all this going on last week, I wasn't able to do the hot chocolate run on Sunday. I need to fully heal from the Lasik surgery (3 weeks) before I resume my gym activities; although I did get in a walk late yesterday afternoon. I hope to work through this arm issue by then as well. Once I know what the problem is, I'll have a better idea of how to move forward. So, low key walking it is for now. I want to continue to drop weight during the holidays, so I'll aim for covering long distances rather than a fast pace.

December 03, 2012

I went shopping last weekend and I was excited to discover I'm am now a size 14 top. All this time I thought I was on a plateau, I actually was loosing weight, I just didn't see where it was coming off. I bought two new tops, shown here, and a pair of pants.

Size 14 tops at long last!

After a few days, I returned the top on the right, because it's not warm enough. I'm moving into layering my clothes. The option to add or remove a layer never mattered to me before, but I find I am often cold these days, which never used to be the case; I was always hot.

I wish I could say I had fun shopping, but I'm not the size I want to be yet, so I didn't have fun at all. I like being able to wear the 14 tops, but I wasn't happy at all about my pant size. I know that my hips will slim down in time, but in the meanwhile, my pants don't quite fit right and I couldn't find any that fit any better. I ended up at Lane Bryant once again. If the shoe fits... There will be a time that clothes in that store will be too big for me, but I'm still not there yet. I bought the leggings in the photo above in a size 18, which I should be happy about, but jeans didn't fit in that size yet.

Blah, blah, blah! I'm still happy to be where I am and I know I will drop sizes if I keep doing what I'm doing. Meanwhile, I will celebrate wearing size 14 tops and stop complaining about my jean size. Remember, 21 months ago I was in a 30/32. I have to keep this in perspective.

Thanksgiving was great. I couldn't believe one of my relatives was encouraging me to have a piece of pie. She went on an on about it being the best. I told her if it was indeed the best, the place will be around in 2 or 3 years and that I might give it a try then, but not today. Unbelievable!

I wanted to make sure I had lots of choices during the holiday (I was in RI at my brother's house for the long weekend) so I could stay away from temptations, so I cut up a giant size turnip and baked 4 butternut squash. I also had sliced pepperoni, so I would have protein available any time I needed it. I had too much cheese over a two day period, but I'm back on the mend again. Pushing forward and loading up on meat, meat, meat once again.

While cutting up the turnip, I overworked my upper arm and on Friday I woke up with pain from my shoulder to my knuckles. I agitated my rotary cuff this summer while on vacation and then again painting my kitchen. The turnip was giant sized and I kept taking breaks from cutting it. The pain was much worse on Saturday morning and it's been pretty intense since yesterday. I'm taking some pain meds that I had in my medicine cabinet from dental surgery two years ago, just to get me through today, but I'm calling the doctor tomorrow. I'm pretty sure it's my rotary cuff, as I had an issue with it about 7 years ago. One side effect of having this much pain: no hunger. I didn't realize until I made dinner that I hadn't eaten all day.

November 25, 2012

I decided to write about a question that a Julie follower asked me on FaceBook last night, mainly because my answer turned into a book. And it got me started thinking. She asked me if we would "ever get to eat like a normal thin person" ever again, after completing maintenance. The whole question has me in a quandary, because I don't think any of us really truly knows the answer. But I think a lot of us put in time wondering. I know I sure do.

Jennifer in May 2011 vs December 2013

As far as eating "normal" again, I don't know. I don't know what eating like a "normal thin person" is, LOL, as I have never been 'one of them'! I know Julie wants us to eat a portion of potato every day once we hit maintenance, that the amount of time doing that varies all the while jumping "back in the river" when your clothes get tight. Then there is adding other foods in, slowly, so as to reduce the chances of the cravings that got us in trouble in the first place.

This whole maintenance thing takes, in my opinion, a lot of time. Lots and lots. This whole question got me thinking about "other diets," like Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, NutriSystem, etc. Do any of those programs let you "eat like a normal thin person?" Can one 'let their guard down' and 'get back on track' after "just eating?"

When I did Weight Watchers a long time ago, I did hit my "goal weight," and then I was supposed to add one or two more points in each week, until I neither lost nor gained weight. Needless to say, I never made it that far. I just started eating again, and before long, the weight was back on. Does that tell me something? Like, "no," I will never get to eat like a "normal thin person?" I think so.

Believe me, maintenance hasn't been easy. One can never let their guard down. The weight can come back on so freaking fast! Scary fast! In February 2012 I made it to my goal size of a "Levis 6." So, out of the river, and up onto the bank I went, and I ate potato for 6 months. I started not watching my meat-to-veggies ratio, ate too much popcorn (the second phase of maintenance) without eating meat and used WAY too much half-n-half in my coffee (half-n-half isn't free like milk! BAD MISTAKE), and in September 2012 BOOM I was up a size!

The motto to this story: Try on your favorite pair of pants every other day. Do NOT let them sit in your closet, assuming they will fit! Check, and check frequently! When I knew I was in trouble, I went back for a refresher, and, today I can tell you I now have wiggle room in my "Levis 6." So, I started all over again with the potato. But! It is a BITE OR TWO of potato! NEVER the whole serving!

Hmmmmmm, is this how a "normal thin person" eats I wonder?

I will follow this way of eating as long as possible. I don't know if you can ever let sugar and flour touch. The thought of having the food cravings again is not high on my list. I have watched "thin" people eat; I ask them a lot more now too about what they eat, how much they eat, etc.etc. And, believe me, they don't eat a lot! Some people have very strict rules: One thin woman I work with has a granola bar for breakfast, a Lean Cuisine, fruit and yogurt for lunch, and lean meat, pasta and veggies for dinner (she says maybe a 1/4 cup of pasta), and NEVER eats after 7 pm. Yes, I have seen her eat Peanut M+M's, but she tells me she limits that to a handful ONCE or TWICE a month!

I never see her do at work what I see other, heavier people do, which is "graze" all day long on whatever is close by. She does not eat a lot of food! I suppose someday you can eat different things - Julie talks about that - a piece of fruit here, some pasta there. But, I don't think I'll ever have a piece of pie or cake again, because of the no flour/sugar touching thing. Well, some can. One person who is on FB and the blog says she follows Julie a lot, then goes off, then goes back on. But, she is also exercising like crazy. I am not! LOL! I just don't have the time! Thankfully, I am still at a point in my life where if you asked me to eat something I'm "not supposed to," I couldn't do it. And I am okay with that! The pies that I served for Thanksgiving had no impact on me. Didn't faze me in the least. And I am very grateful for that.

As I write this, Kirstie Alley is on the Dr. Oz Show, telling people how she lives now that she has lost a lot of weight. She explained she is eating about 1400 calories a day. Counting calories. Yuck. I have no interest in starting all of that calorie counting c^*p again. Some of you may be able to do that, and eat more"normally." I am not going to mess with my journey with Julie for a long long time. I am sticking to the few rules she has given us. I like wearing my size 6's. So, I am not worrying too much about what's to come...Kind of staying true to this course....

My final advice to this lovely person who asked me if we could ever eat like a normal thin person again: As you get deeper into this and start getting thinner and thinner, you will let go of the "what ifs," because you will be very happy doing what you are doing, and how you feel and look.

Knowing that I wasn't "born a thin person" is okay, and I will continue to go one day at a time. You will see as you get deeper and deeper into this that you wont think so much about "other people" and their ways. We have to find the right way that works permanently. That answer will be a totally individual one. ONE AND DONE.

November 23, 2012

I wrote this post while I was in a plateau. I wrote as if I already dropped another size, to visualization out what I want to happen. As it turns out, most of what I projected did happen and I suspect the parts that didn't will manifest soon. I updated this piece this morning, to clarify what did [comments in parenthesis reflect the update of what really happened].

Here's how I jumped off the plateau wagon...

I followed program 100%. I remembered there are no gray areas. In fact, I remembered a lot of things. There is no such thing as "slightly off program." You're either on or you're off. It's that simple. If you not on, or in the river, as Julie calls it, you're either going to maintain your size or your clothes are going to get tighter. I guess I was maintaining [in this case this was not true; I just couldn't see where I'd lost weight]. Hey - wait - I've been calling this a plateau! Same difference - I was not losing weight.

I did my own "refresh" by following advice from others who have been successful on this program. Jennifer, Melissa, Meaghan, and others have posted on this blog and on the Facebook group great feedback.

To jump start things, I did three days of red meat and no veggies [reality: I had tomato sauce with peppers and onions and added corn to some of my food]. Jennifer has said this many times and today, as I write this affirmation, I made a list and then went shopping for my meals for the next three days.

I followed Melissa's advice about getting my ratio of veggies and meat back in line. I too was eating too many veggies. I wasn't keeping that balance, so bite for bite was the trick to get me back on track. I took a hard look at my fat intake too. I wrapped up the bacon I had in the refrigerator, and put it in the freezer; I stopped having bacon for a full week and I watched my fat intake closer. [Bacon isn't the problem, it's the total amount of fat intake that I was consuming; bacon plus butter plus plus half and half plus mayonnaise plus other fats combined in one day. All these are allowed on program, but we do need to watch our total fats.]

I renewed my commitment not to have cheese for the rest of November and this time I stuck to my promise. From there forward, I was able to use cheese only as a condiment. I don't bring cheese into the house unless I need it for a specific recipe. I'm happy to say cheese is no longer a problem food for me. [November isn't over yet, but when shopping last night I paused at the cheese counter before passing it by.]

Catherine shared she had several plateaus and that she came to accept plateaus by remembering Julie teaches us this is how our  body heals, recovers, and rests for the next change. Amy reminded us that our bodies need to reabsorb skin, veins, nerves, etc. Once I remembered this is part of the journey for some of us, I stopped being so hard on myself for being on a plateau; this weight loss will take as long as it takes.

I followed some of my own advice too. I put progressive photos of me together and posted them to this blog. I printed a hard copy and put it on my refrigerator to remember where I've been. I put it away when I had company, but pulled it back out when the left. {reality: I haven't printed the photo yet but I have plans to do so this week.] I have a copy of the 4 photos side by side on my iPhone and I looked at it every day on my way to the gym, to keep me motivated. I looked at it on days I didn't feel like getting to the gym too.[reality: I look at the photo on my iPhone or on the blog just about every day and I show the photo to my friends. When I said why I put the photos together like that, one friend said when I'm feeling like I haven't lost any weight to "just ask us!" It seems I'm the only one who can't see that I have continued to lose weight.]

I made plans a couple months ago to visit with a friend to go shopping. I hadn't been in the stores since early August and was wearing the last of the hand-me-downs that didn't fit in spring. I was so ready to have new clothes. Because I followed all the above advice, when I went to the stores (Marshalls, TJ Max, and thrift stores) [more on what stores I really went to in my next post.] I was elated (understatement) that I was able to wear size 14's! The jump start helped me drop weight instantly! I skipped right by size 16's completely! The last time I was in Marshall and TJ's - there were very few thing that fit me, even their X's weren't fitting. Not the case this time! [reality: I did skip right over the 14's in tops, but I'm still wearing 18 pants. Again, more on the real shopping in my next post.]

Woohoo! Plateau over! I'm in the river and going with the flow. I've stopped getting in my own way and I'm thankful for all the friends of Julie who helped me get back on track!

Reality: I wasn't really on a plateau! I was losing weight above the waist, but since I hadn't tried on smaller clothes since August, I didn't see this. While visiting one of my friends over the weekend, she suggested I take in a few inches on my top under the arms, that I alter my pants at the waist by adding darts and take in the seams along my upper thighs as my pants are too big in those areas. I only tried on 2 pairs of pants at the store, so perhaps I've moved into a 16 in jeans? I'll have to go try on jeans soon and see if this is true.

November 20, 2012

I had breakfast few friends of the Key Hypnosis contributors on Saturday and it was great to see everyone and how they have changed. I thought it would be fun to put up our other gathering photos.... woohoo!

11/17/12

07/27/12

06/23/12

04/14/12

November 19, 2012

Frustrated with not dropping more weight, I decided to follow my own advise: take a photo and view it beside  heavier photos. Okay, here we go...yikes...side profiles....on the treadmill...sleeveless...in gym clothes...

I started size 30/32 and am now in 18's.

I've had photos taken of me along the way so I can see my progress, but I feel a little naked posting these images. Pushing that aside, I  can see a significant change in my body since that 2006 photo and yes, even since the August photo. It's the size of my stomach that kills me! I cringe when I look at these photos, even the one taken a few days ago. What encourages me though, is looking at photos posted on the Facebook support group. I see others who started at the size I'm at now and I know if I just hold on, I too will get to my goal size.

Yesterday, as I continued my inner dialogue about what I need to do to move things along, I'll write more on this when I get to the other side of this hold and drop another size, the Wilson Phillips song Hold On kept running through my mind...

Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day,
If you hold on

November 14, 2012

I just started and had my first session - I already feel better

Aliede Smith

November 10, 2012

Being on hold is something none of us like. We don't like being on hold on the phone. We don't like being told to "hold on" while we're waiting in line. Holding onto someones heart - love it! Holding onto weight, not so much.

Photo source: An Extraordinary Adventure

I'm on hold once again. I know. I know. Really - I know! This weight loss process is a journey. We have to have patience. Blah, blah, blah. I get all that. I'm trying to understand, once again, what's behind these long periods of time that my weight loss is on hold. One theory is that when we're the most frustrated, we're on the cusp of a significant drop in weight. Love that. It's true too. Most of the time.

Just the same, I haven't had a weight drop since the early August and my patience is running out. I looked for help by looking up the definition of the word hold. One meaning of the word hold, according to the Merriam Webster dictionary online, is to maintain position, to refuse to give ground the defensive line is holding. Hmm. Sounds familiar... I am maintaining my position. I am refusing to give ground. So, what's up? Why am I holding instead of losing? The dictionary isn't going to help me here.

If someone asked me this, I'd say things like "Eat more meat. Eat less veggies. Are you eating too much cheese?" So, I start by reminding myself these things. I am having meals without veggies and when I do have veggies, I make sure there are less veggies than meat. I haven't had cheese in the house in weeks and I don't eat cheese when I order out.

I also ask myself "what would Julie say?" The first thing that comes to mind is that Julie would ask "are you eating a variety of foods or the same things over and over?" Okay, so here's an area I can improve on. I favor coleslaw as my primary veggie. I eat meatloaf, meatballs, chicken salad, and a handful of dishes way too often.  I need to plan a variety of veggies rather than having the same one several times a week, week after week.

My internal voice has been asking "how much have you lost?" Julie suggests this kind of craving is akin to wanting sugar; when that this happens it's another clue that we're close to dropping more weight. I'm ready... and waiting. I'm not getting on the scale, so no worries there.

I'm not aware of anything I'm eating that's off program, so, I called and scheduled a refresh for early December.  I was in for a refresh a month ago and at that time I didn't ask for help because I really felt I was about to drop more weight. I was positive I'd see a drop any day, but nothing has happened. When I go in for the refresh this time, I'm asking for help with my holding pattern. I've heard others talk with Julie about holding weight for several months. Julie says it's the body healing when we're on hold, but I decided to go in for the refresh because I want to see if she can dig anything up, through her line of questions, that can help me move forward.

I know I'm not alone out there on this. Any words of advice from those who have been here and finally been able to move forward in their journey? I'd love to hear from you!

November 07, 2012