For the past three February's, we’ve attended a large (300 plus) party, compete with a huge potluck dinner and band. In the past, I’ve left by 8:30, stuffed from food, feeling ill, and usually on the verge of a panic attack.

This year, I was hungry an hour before the party, so I ate dinner at home. When we arrived, I wasn’t hungry, so just glanced at the long line of homemade food. (No exaggeration - when 300 people all bring a dish, there is a HUGE amount of food. The tables lined one entire wall of the hall) There were a few meat dishes and veggie dishes I could have sampled, but eh, I wasn’t hungry anymore. My husband enjoyed two platefuls, while I had some seltzer, and was perfectly happy. There was a plateful of cupcakes, brownies, and other sweets in the center of the table - I glanced at them, then noticed them no more than I did the silverware and napkins.

A couple hours after the dinner was served, I was watching a nearby group, and thinking how different my life is now. They each had platefuls of munchies and desserts, and passed them between them, exclaiming how yummy everything was. I’m not judging them - in the past that was me. That was how I enjoyed parties. That was what a party meant to me… how many different yummy foods were there to gorge myself with. I thought I was having fun.

This year, I danced every fast dance the band played. I was barely out of breath. I wasn’t overheated to the point of wondering if I was going to faint. People I knew came up me and exclaimed about the difference in me. They didn’t mean the weight, even though in the last seven months I’ve dropped 5-6 sizes. They meant the spark. They said they had never seen me so happy and having so much fun. Even my husband, who sees me every day, said he had never seen that expression on my face before. He said my face was lit up like a teenage girl at a high school dance. And honestly, that’s what I felt like. I was me again. I wasn’t paralyzed with embarrassment anymore. I wasn’t locked in that prison of fat. I had energy…I could move… I was having FUN!

This morning, I’m not even sore (thank you Zumba for the conditioning!) and the glow is still there. Welcome back, life. I missed you more than I even knew.

7 months with Julie - sorry for the blurry picture - I was in a hurry to go out!


February 23, 2014
As I sit at the foot of my bed on my cedar chest petting my kitty, I realize I would not have sat here eight sizes ago. Eight sizes ago I was too afraid my weight would break the cedar chest. But not today. Today I sit here without hesitation and focus only on giving Ginger kitty my full attention, which she appreciates.
Ginger kitty
It is in these brief moments of time that I appreciate changes in my life that I hadn't noticed before. I refer to these moments as a non-scale victories. In this moment, I pause to appreciate the size I am today and I'm happy right where I am in this moment.

I've experienced a gamut of non-scale victories as I dropped weight. Being able to sit with my legs crossed was a small victory compared to running a 5k. Both are on my victory scale.

I didn't run around to all my friends and announce:
I can sit with my legs crossed!
I can sit with my legs crossed!
I can sit with my legs crossed!
I wanted to, but I didn't. Instead, I posted that experience to this blog, because I know many of you can appreciate this kind of non-scale victory.

Today I embrace my size.

Today I will stop focusing on wanting to be a different size and use that energy in other ways.

I am not giving up my desire to reach my goal size. I give time to that in my visualizations and then I focus on other things in life. I no longer live in-between where I am today and where I want to be--I live in the moment.

What about the you? Have you had any non-victory scale moments lately? I'd love to hear them.

This video sheds light on embracing your size. I hope it inspires you the way it inspires me.

February 19, 2014
Instead of bacon, try...baked ham

There's a way to get hot, crispy slices of pork without all the fat:
  1. Lay slices of deli ham on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet; 
  2. Cover them with another piece of parchment; 
  3. Press another sheet pan on top, to keep the meat flat. 
  4. Bakes the ham at 275 degrees until crispy (about 25 minutes). 
It's perfect in an egg sandwich, or chopped and sprinkled over salad.


Recipe Source: Oprah
February 19, 2014
Looking for something to warm you up on these cold winter days? This spicy recipe may help!
Cauliflower Buffalo Bites
Ingredients
  • 1 head of cauliflower, washed and broken up into small florets
  • 1 tsp. extra virgin olive oil
  • 1 tsp. garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. paprika
  • 1 tsp. chili powder
  • ½ tsp. kosher salt
  • 2 tbsp. of your favorite hot wing sauce
Directions
  1. Pre-heat oven to 425
  2. Toss cauliflower with olive oil and distribute evenly.
  3. Combine garlic powder, paprika, chili powder, and salt in a small bowl. 
  4. Toss spice mixture over cauliflower and mix well, making sure all the cauliflower is coated in the spices.
  5. Spread cauliflower out on a rimmed baking sheet a roast for 20 minutes.
  6. Toss with wing sauce and serve with your favorite blue cheese dressing for dipping.

Recipe and photo from one of our key friends.
February 19, 2014
Thank you Jill for this delicious key-friendly recipe and your photo.
Meat Crust Quiche
Ingredients
  • 1 pound uncooked breakfast pork sausage (or Italian sausage) 
  • ½ yellow onion, diced 
  • 2 cups fresh spinach 
  • 4 eggs, whisked 
  • 1 garlic clove, minced 
  • 1 teaspoon garlic powder 
  • ⅛ teaspoon ground paprika 
  • salt and pepper, to taste <salt is always optional>
  • 2 tablespoons any kind of fat
* I added a bit of Parmesan in the egg mixture and put about 1/2 cup of shredded cheese on top.

Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
  2. Press meat evenly into a pie plate on bottom and sides.
  3. Place the pan on a baking sheet (in case of any spills) and bake for 18-20 minutes until meat presses back when you poke it. Do not overcook.
  4. While your crust is baking, place 2 tablespoons of fat into a saucepan over medium heat and add the minced garlic and chopped onion.
  5. Once the onions begin to become translucent, sprinkle in a bit of salt and pepper, toss in spinach, and then cover. 
  6. When spinach is wilted, remove mixture from the pan and place in a bowl to cool. 
  7. When mixture has cooled, add in the eggs, garlic powder, ground paprika and a bit more salt (optional). Mix well. 
  8. After the crust is done baking, remove the excess fat that may be left behind, then pour your egg mixture on top of the meat crust.
  9. Place the pan back into the oven and bake for 23-25 minutes. Once the middle pushes back when you poke it, it’s all good to go. 
  10. Let cool, cut and serve.
February 19, 2014
Sharing a few recipes this morning and then a new post. This one is yummy.

Bacon wrapped Filet Mignon with Mushroom Sauté
Directions
  1. Pan sear the beef on high to your liking then deglaze the pan with some chicken stock, add mushrooms (or onions) to the pan, add a dab of butter and cook down making sure to scrape all the yummy bits off the pan. 
  2. Scoop onto the meat and enjoy. 
Photo and recipe from one of our key friends.
February 19, 2014
Do you ever have moments when a non-key-friendly food is in front of you and time suddenly seems to stop? It's just you and the food. Everything around you becomes a blur except for that food and it's calling your name. In moments like this, we get to choose: continue on our weight loss journey towards our goal or turn off the main road. In moments like this, the choice is ours alone. Circumstances and people are influences, but ultimately--the decision is ours. Choose wisely.
Photo source: Best Fan Photos from Comic-Con 2012
Earlier this week, I had such a moment. My day was going great, but the day was nearly over, I was out of out of time to finish my list of long errands, and I was hungry. I was in the mood for something hot and spicy, so I stopped at Taco Bell. I hadn't been to Taco Bell in a few years, but I was confident their menu offered a few good choices.

Standing in front of the cashier, my confidence wavered. I finally settled on a chicken bowl and a beef burrito, with no beans, no rice, no tortilla, etc., for either item. I must pause here to say that as I wrote this I went to Taco Bell online to see what is in the bowl and I will not order it again. Next time I will choose more wisely.

I squeezed hot sauce from several little packets onto the chicken bowl and then ate all of it before opening the burrito. Oh-oh! It's wrapped in a tortilla--they did not hold the wrap as I had asked. Sigh. Carbs have been calling out to me for weeks. This was going to be one of those hard moments.

"I can do this" I said to myself.

"I'll just scrape everything off the wrap and into a bowl." This only took a few seconds, but it was one of those moments when time slowed down. It was just me and that wrap, everything else was out of focus.

"Just one bite will be okay," a nagging voice whispered in my ear.

"It won't hurt anything," the nag insisted, getting louder as time slowed down even more.

"Nobody needs to know! Nobody will know!" the nag began to shout. Time came to a stop.

As I scraped the ingredients into my dish, I pushed away the craving to have just one bite of the wrap.

"Tap, tap, tap." I thought, "push away" that thought. (Julie uses her hands to visually reinforce this tapping technique. As one hand moves closer to face, the other hand pushes (taps) the hand away.)

"Again," I repeated. "Tap, tap, tap." I tossed the tortilla into the trash.

 The nag was silent. The balance of time was restored. The moment passed. Victory!

This wasn't my first moment like this and it won't be my last, but the choice is always mine.

Have carbs or sugar been calling you? Tap away (push) those cravings. Be okay with how hard it is in your moments when non-key foods call out to you. Feel victorious when you choose not to eat them. If you make a regretful choice, be gentle with yourself and move on. Tap, tap, tap. Instead of beating yourself up, focus on something you can change right now. Choose to jump back into the river right this moment. Choose to eat foods that support your weight loss goals. Choose to reach your goal size.

When irrational thoughts pop into your head - choose wisely what you do next.

One of my favorite examples of a bad outcome from irrational thoughts comes from the movie Ghost Busters:
"The traveler will come in the form of any structure you choose." Zeus told Ghost Busters Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Raymond Stantz (Dan Aykroyd), and Egon Spengler (Harold Ramis).
"I couldn’t help it - it just popped in there!" Ray said after a giant Mr. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man materialized.
"Ray has gone bye-bye Egon. What have you got left?" Dr. Venkman asked.
"Sorry Venkman, I’m terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought." Egon replied.
Choose wisely. Don't let food leave you terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.


February 15, 2014
A key component to this weight loss program is visualization. In class Julie guides us through a long visualization and she encourages us to visualize how we want to look at our goal size. The visualization process should not end when class is over. If what we think is what we get - then I want to be mindful about what I think. Is what I'm saying preventing me from getting what I want--am I wishing for the wrong things? To answer this, I wrote a list of sentences that I say about this program that start with I wish...
Photo source: Bubblews
I wish I was a smaller size. I wish I would lose weight as fast as everyone else. I wish I was at goal size. I wish I could eat some of the foods I used to eat. I wish I could eat like everyone else. I wish I could eat more cheese. I wish this wasn't so hard. I wish there was a book or list of foods allowed on this program. I wish I knew my weight.

I'm sure there are more things I want, but this is enough inventory to take stock of and decide what's really important. Reviewing this list, I realize I already have some of these things and some of them aren't that important.

I wish I was a smaller size.
Oh, wait - I am a smaller size - I'm 8 sizes smaller than I was 3 years ago. I was a size 30/32 at the end of January 2011 when I first saw Julie. It may be hard for some to believe, but it is easy for me to forget how much weight I've lost because my weight has come off gradually. Wait - what part of losing weight gradually is bad? My ego wants to be at goal size today, but losing weight slowly is healthy. I'm doing everything I can to reach my my goal size and as long as I continue on this path I will continue to drop sizes. I'm going to stop focusing on this wish.

I wish I would lose weight as fast as everyone else.
I'm not everyone else, so I can let go of this wish too. Yes, I know others who lost their weight quicker. I also know people who are not losing weight fast. Time isn't what I should be spending my wishes on, as I have no control over time. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. It's time to stop looking at time and focus on something I can do: staying the course.

I wish I was at goal size.
This is where visualization plays a big role in this journey. To help me visualize what is realistic for me, I look at other women who are my height and body type; this is a good thing. Wishing I was at goal size is not a good thing. Why? Wishing to be somewhere other than where I am has more of a negative connotation than a positive one. To turn this around, I'm switching my focus on visualizing me at my goal size instead of wishing I was there. I'm not giving up on reaching my goal size. The difference is positive thinking: visualizing my goal as obtained versus focusing on the negative: I'm not where I want to be.

I wish I could eat some of the foods I used to eat.
This wish can only lead to a dead end. Let me be perfectly honest here - ALL of the foods I used to eat that come to mind (when I think of foods I wish I could eat) are carbs. Carbs turn to sugar and sugar is what led me to a size 30/32. Eating the way I used to is not an option. Eating some of the foods I used to eat is not an option either, at least not while I'm in the weight loss phase of this program. Meanwhile, I remain optimistic when I have cravings. I remind myself that it's just for now that I choose not to eat those food - it isn't for the rest of my life. When I reach my goal and learn how to maintain my weight, I will introduce foods that I don't eat today. I may find some of those foods are triggers for me and then avoid them. Today, I don't want to eat ANY of the foods I used to eat, so I can drop this from my wish list.

I wish I could eat like everyone else. 
Once again - I'm not everyone else. If I look around and ask myself: do I really want to eat like everyone else? The answer is no. I don't need this on my wish list for another moment.

I wish I could eat more cheese. 
Cheese is a condiment, it's not a protein, it should not be eaten by itself, and it is not to be considered the main course. Eating too much cheese can make us plateau or even gain weight. Oh no, no, no - I do not wish I could eat more cheese.

I wish this wasn't so hard. 
The simple truth is change isn't easy for most of us, but the one constant thing in our lives is that things change. In order for me to go from a size 30/32 to a size 8, I must change. I must push through whatever feels hard and stay the course. If it was easy, I would have been a size 8 years ago.  Losing weight is hard. Learning to maintain weight loss is hard. Being a size 30/32 was hard too. Life as an obese woman was hard. Nobody promised this would be easy. This journey is hard. End of story. Move along. Focus on other things.

I wish there was a book or list of foods allowed on this program.
This program is not like other weight loss programs. The book or a list you want doesn't exist. We were taught to follow what we learn in our class and not to confer with others because, like everything else in life, this program changes. The program evolves. A yogurt we once enjoyed is no longer allowed because the company changed how they made it (they added sugar). Get over it. Something I've started doing is to ask myself "if Julie were here, would I eat this?" This helps me know what is on program. In doubt - leave it out.

I wish I could know my weight. 
We don't get on the scale because those numbers mess with our head. When I first started this journey I thought I would ask my doctor to tell me after I passed the 50 pound weight loss mark. I didn't need anyone to tell me I passed that milestone because I knew this by the size of clothes I wore. Yes, every time I visit my doctor I want to know what I weigh, but I agreed not to weigh myself when I began this program and I want to keep my commitment. Remember: knowing our weight tells our mind know how much weight we need to gain back. No, I don't really want to know my weight.

My One Wish

I believe what we think is what we get out of life, so I strive to be more mindful about what I wish for and what I think about. In the big picture of life, I only have one wish for me, all my friends and family, and for all of you: I wish for all of us to have good health.

I have good health today and I worked hard to get here. But not everyone has good health. Last week friends told me they lost a friend to cancer; five friends of my friends are gone.

Today I choose to focus on what's really important in life: I choose to let myself dream big, I choose to continue to change, to evolve, to learn, and to push through the hard things in life, and I chose to live my best life. I wish this for all of us.

Tap, tap, tap.

February 08, 2014